On one hand, there were in multitudes, disgraces, misfortunes, plagues, griefs, and troubles; all in a clamour against the physicians. The plague confessed, indeed, that she had struck many; but ’twas the doctor did their business. Melancholy and disgrace said the like; and misfortunes of all sorts made open protestation, that they never brought any man to his grave without the help and advice of a doctor. So that the gentlemen of the faculty were called to account for those they had killed. They took their places upon a scaffold, with pen, ink, and paper about them; and still as the dead were called, some or other of them answered to the name, and declared the year and day when such a patient passed through his hand. They began the inquiry at Adam, who, methought, was severely handled about an apple. “Alas!” cried Judas that was by, “if that were such a fault, what will become of me that sold and betrayed my Lord and Master?” Next came the patriarchs, and then the apostles, who took their places by Saint Peter. It was worth the noting, that at this day there was no distinction between kings and beggars, before the judgment-seat. Herod and Pilate, so soon as they put out their heads, found it was like to go hard with them. “My judgment is just,” quoth Pilate. “Alack!” cried Herod, “what have I to trust to? Heaven is no place for me, and in Limbo I should fall among the innocents I have murdered; so that without more ado I must e’en take up my lodging in hell: the common receptacle of notorious malefactors.” There came in immediately upon this a kind of a sour rough-hewn fellow. “Look ye,” says he, stretching out his arm, “here are my letters.” The company wondered at the humour, and asked the porter what he was; which he himself overhearing, “I am,” quoth he, “a master of the noble science of defence;” and, plucking out several sealed parchments, “These,” said he, “are the attestations of my exploits.” At which word, all his testimonials fell out of his hand, and a couple of devils would fain have whipped them up, to have brought them in evidence against him at his trial; but the fencer was too nimble for them, and took them up himself. At which time, an angel offered him his hand to help him in; but he, for fear of an attack, leaped a step backward, and with great agility, alonging withal, “Now,” says he, “if ye think fit, I’ll give ye a taste of my skill.” The company fell a laughing, and this sentence was passed upon him: that since by his rules of art he had occasioned so many duels and murders, he should himself go to the devil by a perpendicular line. He pleaded for himself, that he was no mathematician, and knew no such line; but while the word was in his mouth a devil came up to him, gave him a turn and a half, and down he tumbled.