“Observe me now, and I will show you that this widow that looks as if she had nothing in her mouth but the service for the dead, and only hallelujahs in her soul, that this mortified piece of formality has green thoughts under her black veil, and brisk imaginations about her, in despite of her calamity and misfortune. The chamber you see is dark; and their faces are muffled up in their funeral dresses. And what of all this? when the whole course of their mourning is but a thorough cheat. Their weeping signifies nothing more, than crying, at so much an hour; for their tears are hackneyed out, and when they have wept out their stage, they take up, and are quiet. If you would relieve them, leave them to themselves; and as soon as your back is turned, you shall have them singing and dancing, and as merry as Greeks: for take away the spectators, their hypocrisy is at an end, and the play is done; and now the confidents’ game begins. ‘Come, come, madam, ’faith we must be merry’ cries one, ‘we are to live by the living, and not by the dead. For a bonny young widow as you are, to lie whimpering away your opportunities and lose so many brave matches! There’s, you know who, I dare swear, has a month’s mind to you; by my troth I would you were in bed together, and I’d be hanged, if you did not find one warm bedfellow worth twenty cold ones.’ ‘Really, madam,’ cries a second, ‘she gives you good counsel; and if I were in your place, I’d follow it, and make use of my time. ’Tis but one lost, and ten found. Pray’e tell me, madam, if I may be so bold; what’s your opinion of that cavalier that was here yesterday? Certainly he has a great deal of wit; and methinks he’s a very handsome proper gentleman. Well! if that man has not a strange passion for you, I’ll never believe my eyes again for his sake; and, in good faith, if all parties were agreed, I would you were e’en well in his arms the night before to-morrow. Were it not a burning shame to let such a beauty lie fallow?’ This sets the widow a-pinking, and simpering like a furmety-kettle; at length she makes up the pretty little mouth, and says, ‘’Tis somewhat of the soonest to talk of those affairs; but let it be as Heaven pleases. However, madam, I am much beholden to you for your friendly advice.’ You have here the very bottom of her sorrow: she has taken a second husband into her heart before her first was in his grave. I should have told you that your right widow eats and drinks more the first day of her widowhood than in any other of her whole life: for there appears not a visitant, but presently out comes the groaning cake, a cold baked meat, or some restorative morsel or other, to comfort the afflicted; and the cordial bottle must not be forgotten neither, for sorrow’s dry. So to’t they fall, and at every bit or gulp, the lady relict fetches ye up a heavy sigh, pretends to chew false, and makes protestation that for her part she can taste nothing; she has quite lost