The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 1 of 5)Burney, Fanny
History
The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 1 of 5)
Burney, Fanny
France -- History -- Revolution, 1789-1799 -- Refugees -- Fiction; Historical fiction; Refugees -- Fiction; War stories
'Not a word of that trite class!' cried Elinor, with sudden severity,
'if you would not again work all my passions into inflammation involve
me no more in doubt! Fear nothing else. I am no where else vulnerable.
Set aside, then, all childish calculations, of giving me an inch or two
more, or an inch or two less of pain,--and be brief and true!'
Ellis could not utter a word: every phrase she could suggest seemed to
teem with danger; yet she felt that her silence could not but indicate
the truth which it sought to hide; she hung her head, and sighed in
disturbed perplexity. Elinor looked at her for some time with an
examining eye, and then, hastily rising, emphatically exclaimed, 'You
are mute?--I see, then, my doom! And I shall meet it with glory!'
Smiles triumphant, but wild, now played about her face. 'Ellis,' she
cried, 'go to your work, or whatever you were about, and take no manner
of heed of me. I have something of importance to arrange, and can brook
no interruption.'
Ellis acquiesced, returning to the employment of her needle, for which
Mrs Fenn took especial care that she should never lack materials.
Elinor spoke to her no more; but her ruminations, though undisturbed by
her companion, were by no means quiet, or silent. She paced hastily up
and down the room; sat, in turn, upon a chair, a window seat, and the
bed; talked to herself, sometimes with a vehemence that made several
detached words, though no sentences, intelligible; sometimes in softer
accents, and with eyes and gestures of exultation; and, frequently, she
went into a corner by the side of the window, where she looked, in
secret, at something in a shagreen case that she held in her hand, and
had brought out of her chamber; and to which she occasionally addressed
herself, with a fervency that shook her whole frame, and with
expressions which, though broken, and half pronounced, denoted that she
considered it as something sacred.
At length, with an air of transport, she exclaimed, 'Yes! that will
produce the best effect! what an idiot have I been to hesitate!' then,
turning with quickness to Ellis: 'Ellis,' she cried, 'I have withheld
from any questions relative to yourself, because I abominate all
subterfuge; but you will not suppose I am contented with my ignorance?
You will not imagine it a matter of indifference to me, to know how I
have failed?'
She reddened; passion took possession of every feature, and for a moment
nearly choaked her voice: she again walked, with rapid motion, about the
room, and then ejaculated, 'Let me be patient! let me not take away all
grandeur from my despair, and reduce it to mere common madness!--Let me
wait the fated moment, and then--let the truth burst, blaze, and flame,
till it devour me!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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