The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 1 of 5)Burney, Fanny
History
The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 1 of 5)
Burney, Fanny
France -- History -- Revolution, 1789-1799 -- Refugees -- Fiction; Historical fiction; Refugees -- Fiction; War stories
Ellis opened the window, and leant out her head; Harleigh, clapping his
hand upon his crimsoned forehead, walked with hasty steps round the
little apartment.
Losing now all self-command, and wringing her hands, in a transport of
ungovernable anguish, 'Oh, Harleigh! Harleigh!' Elinor cried, 'to what a
chimera you have given your heart! to an existence unintelligible, a
character unfathomable, a creature of imagination, though visible! O,
can you believe she will ever love you as Elinor loves? with the warmth,
with the truth, with the tenderness, with the choice? can she show
herself as disinterested? can she prove herself as devoted?--'
'She aims, Madam, at no rivalry!' said Ellis, gravely, and returning to
her seat: while Harleigh, tortured between resentment and pity, stood
still; without venturing to look up or reply.
'Rivalry?' repeated Elinor, with high disdain: 'No! upon what species of
competition could rivalry be formed, between Elinor, and a compound of
cold caution, and selfish prudence? Oh, Harleigh! how is it you thus can
love all you were wont to scorn? double dealing, false appearances, and
lurking disguise! without a family she dare claim, without a story she
dare tell, without a name she dare avow!'
A deep sigh, which now burst from Ellis, terminated the conflict between
indignation and compassion in Harleigh, who raised his eyes to meet
those of Elinor, with an expression of undisguised displeasure.
'You are angry?' she cried, clasping her hands, with forced and terrible
joy; 'you are angry, and I am thankful for the lesson. I meant not to
have lingered thus; my design was to have been abrupt and noble.'
Looking at him, then, with uncontrolled emotion, 'If ever man deserved
the sacrifice of a pure heart,' she continued, ''tis you, Harleigh, you!
and mine, from the period it first became conscious of its devotion to
you, has felt that it could not survive the certitude of your union with
another. All else, of slight, of failure, of inadequate pretensions,
might be borne; for where neither party is happy, misery is not
aggravated by contrast, nor mortification by comparison. But to become
the object of insolent pity to the happy!--to make a part of a rival's
blessings, by being offered up at the shrine of her superiority--No,
Harleigh, no! such abasement is not for Elinor. And what is the charm of
this wretched machine of clay, that can pay for sustaining its burthen
under similar disgrace? Let those who prize support it. For me,--my
glass is run,--my cup is full,--I die!'
'Die?' repeated Ellis, with a faint scream, while Harleigh looked
petrified with horrour.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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