The Water Goats, and Other TroublesButler, Ellis Parker
General
The Water Goats, and Other Troubles
Butler, Ellis Parker
Fiction; Humorous stories; Short stories, American
Mike Toole was just raising his glass to his lips with the movements of
one accustomed to hold conversation with the mayor. His left hand rested
on his hip, with his arm akimbo, and his hat was tipped carelessly to
the back of his head. The hand raising his glass stopped short where it
was when he heard the mayor's question. He frowned at the glass--scowled
at it angrily.
“A dongola, Dugan”--he said slowly, and stopped. “A dongola”--he
repeated. “A dongola--did ye ask me what a dongola might be, Dugan?”
The big mayor nodded, and Grevemeyer leaned forward to catch the answer.
Casey, too, leaned on his bar and listened. Alderman Toole raised his
glass to his lips and filled his mouth with the liquor. Instantly he
dashed the glass furiously to the floor. He jerked off his hat and cast
it into a far corner and pulled off his coat, throwing it after his hat.
He was climbing on to the bar when the big mayor and Grevemeyer laid
their hands on the little man and held him tightly. The big mayor shook
him once and set him on the floor.
“Mike!” said the big mayor. “What's th' matter wid ye? What are ye goin'
afther Casey that way for? Is it crazy ye are? Or have ye gone insane?”
“Knock-out drops!” shouted Toole, shaking his fist at Casey, who looked
down at him in astonishment. “Knock-out drops! I will have th' law on
ye, Casey. I will have th' joint closed! I'll teach ye t' be givin'
knock-out drops t' th' aldermin of th' city!”
“Mike!” cried the big mayor, giving him another vigorous shake. “Shut up
wid ye! Casey wouldn't be givin' ye annything that wasn't good for ye.
Casey wouldn't be givin' ye knock-out drops.”
“No?” whispered Mike angrily. “No? Wouldn't he, Dugan? An' what has he
done t' me mimory, then, Dugan? What has he put in th' drink t' rob
me of me mimory? Wan minute ago I knew as well anny other man what a
dongola is like, an' now I have no mimory of anny dongolas at all. Wan
minute ago I could have told ye th' whole history of dongolas, from th'
time of Adam up till now, an' have drawed a picture of wan that annywan
could recognize--an' now I wouldn't know wan if ye was show it t' me! I
was about t' tell ye th' whole history of dongolas, Dugan; 'twas on th'
ind of me tongue t' give ye a talk on dongolas, whin I took a drink. Ye
saw me take a drink, Grevemeyer?”
“Ya!” said Grevemeyer, nodding his head solemnly. “You took such a
drink!”
“Sure,” said Toole, arranging his vest. “Grevemeyer saw me take th'
drink--an now I have no mimory of dongolas at all. If ye was t' show me
a chromo of wan I wouldn't know was it a dongola or what. I'm ashamed of
ye, Casey!”
“If ye done it, Casey, ye hadn't have ought t' have done it,” said Dugan
reprovingly. “Th' mind of him might be ruined intirely.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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