Youth is a surprisingly concrete thing, possessing faculties of its
own—a terrible clear-sightedness, for one thing, and a black-and-white
ruled-out sense of justice and injustice; it brought an absolutely new
sense of values to Dosia. It was when she was seventeen that it began to
dawn upon her that the conditions at home, always looked upon as
entirely temporary and sporadic by her father and stepmother, were
really the inevitable expressions of law. She saw that the true
character of her parents was quite different from their own idea of it;
that they would never change materially, and therefore, in the very
nature of things, their fortunes could never change materially; they
would always be going a little faster or a little slower on a down
grade. She wondered at the exhaustless capacity of complacently
believing in worn fallacies which her young eyes saw pitilessly as such.
Her stepmother still looked upon the father, as he did upon himself, as
a successful and energetic man of business for the moment only disabled
by his failing health, and believed herself to be always on the point of
managing the little money they had with superhuman economy, so that it
would cover all household emergencies; only Dosia knew that there could
never be more money, and that what there was must always slip away. This
knowledge laid the future waste and rendered effort futile. What was the
use, for instance, of putting cushions on the lounge over the place
where there was a big hole in the cover, until they could buy the new
one? There never would be a new one. What was the use of pretending that
when the cracked and heterogeneous plates and dishes were replaced the
table would be properly set once more? They never would be replaced.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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