The exquisitely sensitive perception which is an inherent part of
innocence was hers. The Dosia who at twelve could not be induced to
enter a room when a certain man was in it, because she “did not like the
way he _looked_ at her,” had as unerring an instinct now as then; it was
an instinct so deep, so interwoven with every pulse of her nature, that
to deny it ever so little was a spiritual hurt. She could not have told
why certain subjects, certain joking expressions even, revolted her so
that she shrank from them involuntarily. She could not have told why she
knew there was something about Lawson different from the other men she
had been accustomed to. Dosia not only knew nothing of the practice of
evil, she knew nothing of life nor the laws of it; but it could never be
said of her that she did not know when right bordered on wrong. She
knew—and it would have been impossible for her not to have known—her
slightest deviation from that shining road which can only be followed by
white feet. Her first quick idea of Lawson as not the kind of man that
she would ever want to marry still held good. Back of all this was the
image of the true prince.
There are people whose natures we always feel electrically, a sensation
which depends neither on liking nor on disliking, and which often
partakes of both. When we meet them there is always a slight shock, a
psychic tingling, a displacement of values, that makes us uncertain of
our pathway; the colors seen in this artificial light are different from
those seen by day. Barr affected Dosia thus. If he came into a room, she
knew it at once; dancing or walking or talking with others, she felt his
eyes upon her, disquieting her and making her conscious of his presence,
so that she could not get up or sit down naturally. When he was not
there, everything was flat and uninteresting in the withdrawal of this
exciting disquietude. If she met his remarks cleverly, it gave her a
delighted occupation for hours in recalling them; if she failed in
repartee, and was “thick” and school-girlish, her cheeks would burn and
the taste for life would leave her; she could hardly wait to see him
again to retrieve herself. She was not in love with Barr, she was not
even in love with love,—a fairly healthful process,—but she was in
love with the excitement of his presence.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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