It seemed pitiful beyond words to Lois that she should have to stand
alone now. She could have done this willingly if she had been by
herself, but to stand alone in this dual solitude, where she might have
had support—she could not understand it. She wept uncontrollably with
the pity of it, and dashed the tears away that she might smile,
red-eyed, upon her children, who could not feel the pathos of her
effort.
There is little provision made in most girlhood for that independence of
living which marriage unexpectedly forces upon a woman, in many
instances, in almost as great a degree as when she is thrown out into
the world upon her own resources. To be high and fine, rational and
spirited, cheerful and loving, quite by one’s self, without audience or
applause, takes a new kind of strength, to which the muscles are little
trained. A woman can reach almost any height on a spurt for praise or
recognition; but to get up, sit down, eat, drink, walk, read, sleep,
care for the children, order the meals, as a rational human being whose
business it was to perform these functions intelligently, with no
personality attached to it—to have it taken for granted that she would
naturally order her life as suited her best, and desired no
interference—it was like being pushed out into the cold.
If Justin’s indifference was unexplainable to Lois, it was equally
mysterious to him that she expected daily to be urged to seek amusement,
to “take something” for her cold, to stay in if it were wet or to go out
if it were dry, to avoid overwork, not to sew too much, and to be sure
and rest in the afternoon—all the little kindly round of woman’s
sympathies that keep the heart warm. Justin had been brought up in the
good old-fashioned way by a mother who, while requiring obedience and
honesty from her sons, never required them to think of anybody else. In
his conduct now he did entirely as he would be done by. He hated to be
noticed, himself, in little ways; he did as he pleased, with the
directness that is the inheritance of centuries of predominance, but he
had become affectionately parrot-wise in some of the sentences he found
were conducive to his wife’s happiness. In his new absorption he had
forgotten the sentences; he was deeply occupied with his own affairs.
When Lois said to Zaidee, “Mamma is busy; she cannot attend to you now,”
she exemplified unconsciously her husband’s present position toward
herself. Many men regard women primarily in the light of children; and
the more occupied Justin became in his own affairs, the more reluctant
he became to talk of them at home to this child who was his wife. Her
vivid surprise at normal conditions, the unnecessary worry and shallow
generalization of ignorance, irritated him. He became more and more
taciturn, though he was always kind and affectionate, even if his
kindness and affection lacked, as she felt, the true inner glow; but in
the state of mind which Lois had now made her own, no evidence of
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