Lesbians -- England -- Social conditions -- Fiction
‘Don’t be always under my feet now, Miss Stephen. Don’t follow me about
and don’t be always staring. I ’ates being watched—you run up to the
nursery, the basement’s no place for young ladies.’ After which such
rebuffs were of frequent occurrence, if Stephen went anywhere near her.
Miserable enigma! Stephen’s mind groped about it like a little blind
mole that is always in darkness. She was utterly confounded, while her
love grew the stronger for so much hard pruning, and she tried to woo
Collins by offerings of bull’s-eyes and chocolate drops, which the maid
took because she liked them. Nor was Collins so blameworthy as she
appeared, for she, in her turn, was the puppet of emotion. The new
footman was tall and exceedingly handsome. He had looked upon Collins
with eyes of approval. He had said: ‘Stop that damned kid hanging around
you; if you don’t she’ll go blabbing about us.’
And now Stephen knew very deep desolation because there was no one in
whom to confide. She shrank from telling even her father—he might not
understand, he might smile, he might tease her—if he teased her,
however gently, she knew that she could not keep back her tears. Even
Nelson had suddenly become quite remote. What was the good of trying to
be Nelson? What was the good of dressing up any more—what was the good
of pretending? She turned from her food, growing pasty and languid;
until, thoroughly alarmed, Anna sent for the doctor. He arrived, and
prescribed a dose of Gregory powder, finding nothing much wrong with the
patient. Stephen tossed off the foul brew without a murmur—it was
almost as though she liked it!
The end came abruptly as is often the way, and it came when the child
was alone in the garden, still miserably puzzling over Collins, who had
been avoiding her for days. Stephen had wandered to an old potting-shed,
and there, whom should she see but Collins and the footman; they
appeared to be talking very earnestly together, so earnestly that they
failed to hear her. Then a really catastrophic thing happened, for Henry
caught Collins roughly by the wrists, and he dragged her towards him,
still handling her roughly, and he kissed her full on the lips.
Stephen’s head felt suddenly hot and dizzy, she was filled with a blind,
uncomprehending rage; she wanted to cry out, but her voice failed
completely, so that all she could do was to splutter. But the very next
moment she had seized a broken flower-pot and had hurled it hard and
straight at the footman. It struck him in the face, cutting open his
cheek, down which the blood trickled slowly. He stood as though stunned,
gently mopping the cut, while Collins stared dumbly at Stephen. Neither
of them spoke, they were feeling too guilty—they were also too much
astonished.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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