Lesbians -- England -- Social conditions -- Fiction
But if prayer had failed Stephen, her spells also failed her; indeed
they behaved as spells do when said backwards, making her see, not the
person she wished to, but a creature entirely different. For Collins now
had a most serious rival, one who had lately appeared at the stables. He
was not possessed of a real housemaid’s knee, but instead, of four
deeply thrilling brown legs—he was two up on legs, and one up on a
tail, which was rather unfair on Collins! That Christmas, when Stephen
was eight years old, Sir Philip had bought her a hefty bay pony; she was
learning to ride him, could ride him already, being naturally skilful
and fearless. There had been quite a heated discussion with Anna,
because Stephen had insisted on riding astride. In this she had shown
herself very refractory, falling off every time she tried the
side-saddle—quite obvious, of course, this falling off process, but
enough to subjugate Anna.
And now Stephen would spend long hours at the stables, swaggering
largely in corduroy breeches, hobnobbing with Williams, the old stud
groom, who had a soft place in his heart for the child.
She would say: ‘Come up, horse!’ in the same tone as Williams; or,
pretending to a knowledge she was far from possessing: ‘Is that fetlock
a bit puffy? It looks to me puffy, supposing we put on a nice wet
bandage.’
Then Williams would rub his rough chin as though thinking: ‘Maybe
yes—maybe no—’ he would temporize, wisely.
She grew to adore the smell of the stables; it was far more enticing
than Collins’ perfume—the Erasmic she had used on her afternoons out,
and which had once smelt so delicious. And the pony! So strong, so
entirely fulfilling, with his round, gentle eyes, and his heart big with
courage—he was surely more worthy of worship than Collins, who had
treated you badly because of the footman! And yet—and yet—you owed
something to Collins, just because you had loved her, though you
couldn’t any more. It was dreadfully worrying, all this hard thinking,
when you wished to enjoy a new pony! Stephen would stand there rubbing
her chin in an almost exact imitation of Williams. She could not produce
the same scrabbly sound, but in spite of this drawback the movement
would soothe her.
Then one morning she had a bright inspiration: ‘Come up, horse!’ she
commanded, slapping the pony, ‘Come up, horse, and let me get close to
your ear, ’cause I’m going to whisper something dreadfully important.’
Laying her cheek against his firm neck she said softly: ‘You’re not
_you_ any more, you’re Collins!’
So Collins was comfortably transmigrated. It was Stephen’s last effort
to remember.
2
Came the day when Stephen rode out with her father to a meet, a glorious
and memorable day. Side by side the two of them jogged through the
gates, and the lodgekeeper’s wife must smile to see Stephen sitting her
smart bay pony astride, and looking so comically like Sir Philip.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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