The Wit and Humor of America, Volume I. (of X.) — John Shaqi
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume I. (of X.)
General
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume I. (of X.)
American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"Yes," she replied; "he's dreadfully inclined to music since he had a
drum, and I want the fiddle to see if I can't make another Pickaninny or
an Old Bull of him. Jews-harps is simple, though I can't see how King
David played on one of 'em, and sung his psalms at the same time; but
the fiddle is best, because genius can show itself plainer on it without
much noise. Some prefers a violeen; but I don't know."
The fiddle was well improved, till the horsehair all pulled out of the
bow, and it was then twisted up into a fish-line.
XVI
"How limpid you walk!" said a voice behind us, as we were making a
hundred and fifty horse-power effort to reach a table whereon reposed a
volume of Bacon. "What is the cause of your lameness?" It was Mrs.
Partington's voice that spoke, and Mrs. Partington's eyes that met the
glance we returned over our left shoulder. "Gout," said we, briefly,
almost surlily. "Dear me," said she; "you are highly flavored! It was
only rich people and epicacs in living that had the gout in olden
times." "Ah!" we growled, partly in response, and partly with an
infernal twinge, "Poor soul!" she continued, with commiseration, like an
anodyne, in the tones of her voice; "the best remedy I know for it is an
embarkation of Roman wormwood and lobelia for the part infected, though
some say a cranberry poultice is best; but I believe the cranberries is
for erisipilis, and whether either of 'em is a rostrum for the gout or
not, I really don't know. If it was a fraction of the arm, I could jest
know what to subscribe." We looked into her eye with a determination to
say something severely bitter, because we felt allopathic just then; but
the kind and sympathizing look that met our own disarmed severity, and
sinking into a seat with our coveted Bacon, we thanked her. It was very
evident, all the while, that she, or they, stayed, that Ike was seeing
how near he could come to our lame member, and not touch it. He did
touch it sometimes, but those didn't count.
XX
"I've always noticed," said Mrs. Partington on New Year's Day, dropping
her voice to the key that people adopt when they are disposed to be
philosophical or moral; "I've always noticed that every year added to a
man's life is apt to make him older, just as a man who goes a journey
finds, as he jogs on, that every mile he goes brings him nearer where he
is going, and farther from where he started. I am not so young as I was
once, and I don't believe I shall ever be, if I live to the age of
Samson, which, Heaven knows as well as I do, I don't want to, for I
wouldn't be a centurion or an octagon, and survive my factories, and
become idiomatic, by any means. But then there is no knowing how a thing
will turn out till it takes place; and we shall come to an end some day,
though we may never live to see it."
There was a smart tap on the looking-glass that hung upon the wall,
followed instantly by another.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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