American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"Gracious!" said she; "what's that? I hope the glass isn't fractioned,
for it is a sure sign of calamity, and mercy knows they come along full
fast enough without helping 'em by breaking looking-glasses."
There was another tap, and she caught sight of a white bean that fell on
the floor; and there, reflected in the glass, was the face of Ike, who
was blowing beans at the mirror through a crack in the door.
XXI
"As for the Chinese question," said Mrs. Partington, reflectively,
holding her spoon at "present," while the vapor of her cup of tea curled
about her face, which shone through it like the moon through a mist, "it
is a great pity that somebody don't answer it, though who under the
canister of heaven can do it, with sich letters as they have on their
tea-chists, is more than I can tell. It is really too bad, though, that
some lingister doesn't try it, and not have this provoking question
asked all the time, as if we were ignoramuses, and did not know Toolong
from No Strong, and there never was sich a thing as the seventh
commandment, which, Heaven knows, suits this case to a T, and I hope the
breakers of it may escape, but I don't see how they can. The question
must be answered, unless it is like a cannondrum, to be given up, which
nobody of any spirit should do."
She brought the spoon down into the cup, and looked out through the
windows of her soul into celestial fields, peopled with pig-tails, that
were all in her eye, while Ike took a double charge of sugar for his
tea, and gave an extra allowance of milk to the kitten.
THE MENAGERIE
BY WILLIAM VAUGHN MOODY
Thank God my brain is not inclined to cut
Such capers every day! I'm just about
Mellow, but then--There goes the tent flap shut.
Rain's in the wind. I thought so: every snout
Was twitching when the keeper turned me out.
That screaming parrot makes my blood run cold.
Gabriel's trump! the big bull elephant
Squeals "Rain!" to the parched herd. The monkeys scold,
And jabber that it's rain-water they want.
(It makes me sick to see a monkey pant.)
I'll foot it home, to try and make believe
I'm sober. After this I stick to beer,
And drop the circus when the sane folks leave.
A man's a fool to look at things too near:
They look back and begin to cut up queer.
Beasts do, at any rate; especially
Wild devils caged. They have the coolest way
Of being something else than what you see:
You pass a sleek young zebra nosing hay,
A nylghau looking bored and distingue,--
And think you've seen a donkey and a bird.
Not on your life! Just glance back, if you dare.
The zebra chews, the nylghau hasn't stirred;
But something's happened, Heaven knows what or where,
To freeze your scalp and pompadour your hair.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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