The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IV. (of X.) — John Shaqi
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IV. (of X.)
General
The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IV. (of X.)
American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, we saw,--an' I will in truth remark as such a
sawin' we'll never probably get a chance to do again! Mrs. Sweet says
they practised it over four times at the church, so they can't deny as
they meant it all, an' you might lay me crossways an' cut me into
chipped beef an' still I would declare as I wouldn't have the face to
own to havin' had any hand in plannin' any such weddin'.
"First come 'Liza Em'ly an' Rachel Rebecca hand in hand carryin'
daisies--of all things in the world to take to a weddin'--an' then come
Brunhilde Susan, with a daisy-chain around her neck an' her belt stuck
full o' daisies an'--you can believe me or not, jus' as you please, Mrs.
Lathrop, an' still it won't help matters any--an' a daisy stuck in every
button down her back, an' daisies tangled up in her hair, an' a bunch o'
daisies under one arm.
"Well, we was nigh to overcome by Brunhilde Susan, but we drawed some
fresh breath an' kept on lookin', an' next come Polly an' Mr. Allen. I
will say for Mr. Allen as he seemed to feel the ridiculousness of it
all, for a redder man I never see, nor one as looked more uncomfortable.
He was daisied, too--had three in his button-hole;--but what took us all
was the way him an' Polly walked. I bet no people gettin' married ever
zig-zagged like that before, an' Mrs. Sweet says they practised it by
countin' two an' then swingin' out to one side, an' then countin' two
an' swingin' out to the other--she watched 'em out of her attic window
down through the broke blind to the church. Well, all I can say is, that
to my order o' thinkin' countin' an' swingin' is a pretty frame o' mind
to get a husband in, but so it was, an' we was all starin' our eyes off
to beat the band when the little door opened an', to crown everythin'
else, out come the deacon an' Mr. Jilkins, each with a daisy an' a silk
hat, an' I will remark, Mrs. Lathrop, as new-born kittens is blood-red
murderers compared to how innocent that hat o' Mr. Jilkins' looked. Any
one could see as it wasn't new, but he wasn't new either, as far as that
goes, an' that was what struck me in particular about the whole
thing--nothin' an' nobody wasn't any different only for Polly's
foolishness and the daisies.
"Well, they sorted out an' begun to get married, an' us all sittin'
lookin' on an' no more guessin' what was comin' next than a ant looks
for a mornin' paper. The minister was gettin' most through an' the
deacon was gettin' out the ring, an' we was lookin' to get up an' out
pretty quick, when--my heavens alive, Mrs. Lathrop, I never will forget
that minute--when Mr. Jilkins--poor man, he's sufferin' enough for it,
Lord knows!--when Mr. Jilkins dropped his hat!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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