American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
"Tut, tut, child, those are the very worst kind," hastily interrupted
Aunt Matilda. "The more handsome they are, the more dangerous. Since you
remain so incredulous, however, I suppose I shall have to tell you what
we know about them."
The young man in the pool felt his circulation stopping. The two women
were calmly sitting down on the bank to talk confidences, and from what
he knew of the sex they were as likely as not to sit there until
doomsday, compelling him to appear before the angel Gabriel without even
a shroud. He was conscious of the beginning of a cramp in his left leg
and his shoulders were becoming icy. He had to be motionless, too, and
that was another hardship. The least movement might betray him, for the
women sat quite near, and Adnah was facing him. Thanks to the thickness
of his leafy hiding-place she could not see him, but he could see her
quite plainly, and she was well worth looking at. She, too, wore a
plain, skimp, black dress, and her brown hair was parted in the center
and smoothed down over her ears, but there the resemblance to Aunt
Matilda and the others ended, for her hair was wavy in spite of the
severely straight brushing, and it glinted gold where little flecks of
sunlight filtered through the branches of the tall trees to caress it.
In the hair, too, was a single red rose, caught into place with a
natural grace that it seemed a pity to waste on three spinster aunts and
two dogs, and the same note of color was repeated in another rebellious
blossom at the throat. The young face was plump and oval, and the cheeks
were pink, the brown eyes were wide and sparkling and--Oh, well, the
young man in the pool stopped cataloguing her attractions and simply
summed her up as a stunningly pretty girl. Then he tried once more to
get rid of that maddening mosquito and wished to high Heaven that they
would go!
"When our dear mother died we four girls were all quite young," began
Aunt Matilda, pausing primly to smooth down her skirts, and the young
man in the watery prison gave up in despair. She was starting out like
the old-fashioned story books, which never arrived any place, and never
knew how to get back if they did. "Your Aunt Sarah was eighteen years
old, your Aunt Ann and myself sixteen, and your poor, deluded mother
fourteen. Our father, child, married again within the year, and so you
see our acquaintance with the duplicity of men began at a very early
age. Of course, we refused to live with a stepmother or to allow her to
occupy our own dear mother's house. Left, then, upon our own
responsibilities at so tender a period of our lives, it behooved us to
conduct ourselves with the strictest of propriety, and I am most happy
to say that we came triumphantly through the ordeal. Naturally, we being
great beauties in those days, my child, great beauties, many gay young
men fluttered about us, and some of them really made quite favorable
impressions upon us. There was one in particular--"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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