American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
As to the commercial resources of Duluth, sir, they are simply
illimitable and inexhaustible, as is shown by this map. I see it stated
here that there is a vast scope of territory, embracing an area of over
two million square miles, rich in every element of material wealth and
commercial prosperity, all tributary to Duluth. Look at it, sir
(pointing to the map). Here are inexhaustible mines of gold,
immeasurable veins of silver, impenetrable depths of boundless forest,
vast coal-measures, wide, extended plains of richest pasturage, all, all
embraced in this vast territory, which must, in the very nature of
things, empty the untold treasures of its commerce into the lap of
Duluth. (Laughter.)
Look at it, sir! (Pointing to the map.) Do not you see from these broad,
brown lines drawn around this immense territory that the enterprising
inhabitants of Duluth intend some day to inclose it all in one vast
corral, so that its commerce will be bound to go there, whether it would
or not? (Great laughter.) And here, sir (still pointing to the map), I
find within a convenient distance the Piegan Indians, which, of all the
many accessories to the glory of Duluth, I consider by far the most
inestimable. For, sir, I have been told that when the small-pox breaks
out among the women and children of that famous tribe, as it sometimes
does, they afford the finest subjects in the world for the strategical
experiments of any enterprising military hero who desires to improve
himself in the noble art of war (laughter); especially for any valiant
lieutenant general, whose
"Trenchant blade, Toledo trusty,
For want of fighting has grown rusty,
And eats into itself for lack
Of somebody to hew and hack."
(Great laughter.)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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