American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
I did not return to Virginia yesterday, on account of the wedding. The
parties were Hon. James H. Sturtevant, one of the first Pi-Utes of
Nevada, and Miss Emma Curry, daughter of the Hon. A. Curry, who also
claims that his is a Pi-Ute family of high antiquity.... I had heard it
reported that a marriage was threatened, so felt it my duty to go down
there and find out the facts of the case. They said I might stay, as it
was me.... I promised not to say anything about the wedding, and I
regard that promise as sacred--my word is as good as my bond.... Father
Bennett advanced and touched off the high contracting parties with the
hymeneal torch (married them, you know), and at the word of command from
Curry, the fiddle bows were set in motion, and the plain quadrilles
turned loose. Thereupon, some of the most responsible dancing ensued
that I ever saw in my life. The dance that Tam O'Shanter witnessed was
slow in comparison to it. They kept it up for six hours, and then
carried out the exhausted musicians on a shutter, and went down to
supper. I know they had a fine supper, and plenty of it, but I do not
know much else. They drank so much shampin around me that I got
confused, and lost the hang of things, as it were.... It was mighty
pleasant, jolly and sociable, and I wish to thunder I was married
myself. I took a large slice of bridal cake home with me to dream on,
and dreamt that I was still a single man, and likely to remain so, if I
live and nothing happens--which has given me a greater confidence in
dreams than I ever felt before. I cordially wish my newly-married couple
all kinds of happiness and prosperity, though.
YE SENTIMENTAL LAW STUDENT
EDS. ENTERPRISE--I found the following letter, or Valentine, or whatever
it is, lying on the summit, where it had been dropped unintentionally, I
think. It was written on a sheet of legal cap, and each line was duly
commenced within the red mark which traversed the sheet from top to
bottom. Solon appeared to have had some trouble getting his effusion
started to suit him. He had begun it, "Know all men by these presents,"
and scratched it out again; he had substituted, "Now at this day comes
the plaintiff, by his attorney," and scratched that out also; he had
tried other sentences of like character, and gone on obliterating them,
until, through much sorrow and tribulation, he achieved the dedication
which stands at the head of his letter, and to his entire satisfaction,
I do cheerfully hope. But what a villain a man must be to blend together
the beautiful language of love and the infernal phraseology of the law
in one and the same sentence! I know but one of God's creatures who
would be guilty of such depravity as this: I refer to the Unreliable. I
believe the Unreliable to be the very lawyer's-cub who sat upon the
solitary peak, all soaked in beer and sentiment, and concocted the
insipid literary hash I am talking about. The handwriting closely
resembles his semi-Chinese tarantula tracks.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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