American literature -- Humor; American wit and humor
In the evening I felt a mighty inclination to go to a party somewhere.
There was to be one at Governor J. Neely Johnson's, and I went there and
asked permission to stand around a while. This was granted in the most
hospitable manner, and the vision of plain quadrilles soothed my weary
soul. I felt particularly comfortable, for if there is one thing more
grateful to my feelings than another, it is a new house--a large house,
with its ceilings embellished with snowy mouldings; its floors glowing
with warm-tinted carpets, with cushioned chairs and sofas to sit on, and
a piano to listen to; with fires so arranged you can see them, and know
there is no humbug about it; with walls garnished with pictures, and
above all mirrors, wherein you may gaze and always find something to
admire, you know. I have a great regard for a good house, and a girlish
passion for mirrors. Horace Smith, Esq., is also very fond of mirrors.
He came and looked in the glass for an hour with me. Finally it
cracked--the night was pretty cold--and Horace Smith's reflection was
split right down the centre. But where his face had been the damage was
greatest--a hundred cracks converged to his reflected nose, like spokes
from the hub of a wagon wheel. It was the strangest freak the weather
has done this winter. And yet the parlor seemed warm and comfortable,
too.
About nine o'clock the Unreliable came and asked Gov. Johnson to let him
stand on the porch. The creature has got more impudence than any person
I ever saw in my life. Well, he stood and flattened his nose against the
parlor window, and looked hungry and vicious--he always looks that
way--until Colonel Musser arrived with some ladies, when he actually
fell in their wake and came swaggering in looking as if he thought he
had been anxiously expected. He had on my fine kid boots, my plug hat,
my white kid gloves (with slices of his prodigious hands grinning
through the bursted seams), and my heavy gold repeater, which I had been
offered thousands and thousands of dollars for many and many a time. He
took those articles out of my trunk, at Washoe City, about a month ago,
when we went there to report the proceedings of the convention. The
Unreliable intruded himself upon me in his cordial way, and said, "How
are you, Mark, old boy? When d'you come down? It's brilliant, ain't it?
Appear to enjoy themselves, don't they? Lend a fellow two bits, can't
you?" He always winds up his remarks that way. He appears to have an
insatiable craving for two bits.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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