For the first few days he monopolized me. The emptiness or the
bitterness of his life he lightened with fishing, shooting, riding, and
walking. He had long since retired from all intercourse with other men.
Hitherto his unhappiness, his mechanical studies, his experiments and
his flights had sufficed to interest him. Now, however, yielding to his
old taste for society, or perhaps simply to the thousand and one charms
and attractions of everyday life, which does not long permit us to
defy it, he felt the need of a companion and sought one. His daughter
he surrounded with an almost passionate affection, yet he did not know
how to talk with her as one talks with a child. He recognised this and
left her, not without sorrow, to M. Mairieux, who understood both the
child’s bursts of confidence and her reserve. I noticed, not without
surprise, the respect that Cernay showed his father-in-law, though he
exhibited too such embarrassment in the older man’s presence that of
his own accord he kept out of his way.
I soon believed that I had found the explanation of his character.
Out of conjugal loyalty he imposed upon himself each year one month
of solitude in this dwelling in the heart of the woods, and little by
little the solitude became intolerable to him. Boredom preyed upon him,
he turned about in his prison like a tiger in a cage. I supplied him
with a diversion. He was faithful to the grief in his heart, to his
abiding love. But, then, what can one expect? He did not know how to
feast upon his sorrow, how to satiate himself with it. Few people do.
Introspection had played but a small part in his life. His days had
been consumed by the need of physical activity. Within him a similar
fever had devoured that tender affection which was most dear to him,
and he was grief-stricken at his helplessness to fan its ashes into
flame.
Thus I analysed his restlessness. I deceived myself thoroughly, it
afterwards appeared; but how could I then have perceived its complex
causes?
* * *
In the course of our walks I noticed the minute and prolonged study
that he invariably bestowed upon the sky before we started. He was
skilled in interpreting the form and movements of the clouds; those
cumuli, lying on the horizon like snow hills, would dissolve in rain;
these parasites hanging upon the summits of the mountains heralded
a storm. I saw him sniff the air, examining it, one might say, as a
hunter studies the depths of the woods and inhales their odour, or a
fisherman scrutinises the mysteries of the water.
“It is the enemy,” he confided to me one day. “It is invisible and
formidable. Before attacking it, we must try to understand it.”
I knew that he was thinking of his flying machines, and while we walked
on to a neighbouring pond, I questioned him about the origin of his
sudden interest in aviation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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