For the first few days after our arrival, the rain kept up incessantly.
Unable to leave the house, I went from room to room, turning over my
regrets and boredom. In spite of my persistent contrariness Raymonde
seemed born again. Only to see the trees against the grey horizon,
leaning against the window, gave her pleasure.
Once more she could enjoy her beautiful allées. They were covered with
weeds and almost blended with the mossy carpet of the woods, through
which they continued their humble paths of light in every direction.
Dilette was as yet unable to distinguish one tree from another, but her
mother had taught her to shake her hand to people who offered her a
greeting, and one day when we were out walking in the woods, imagining
that the stirring branches were nodding to her, she waved her little
hand in answer to the politeness of the trees.
We again began our long promenades. Soon we left the child with her
governess, that we might bury ourselves deeper in the woods. About us
were all the old peaceful surroundings. The Green Fountain, cleared of
the dead leaves which obstructed it in the winter time, reflected in
its surface all the tranquil beauty of its remote corner of the wood.
If we had but leaned over its cool, transparent water, our faces would
have touched as on that other day when our horses stopped to drink. But
nothing seemed the same to her or to me.
I confused this calm with ennui. I did not know how to find happiness
in the repetition of these ordinary experiences. I needed constant
change of environment and new stimulation. To me life was tiresome if
every day did not bring with it an interesting social function or some
novel impression. The restless spirit of Paris is contagious. To be
constantly active was an absolute necessity for me, and I found the
dull family life to which I was condemned vapid and uninteresting.
To Raymonde, on the other hand, even despite the disillusioning
conditions, this return to the country with me was, as it were, a
halt on her road to Calvary. It brought soothing peace and comfort
to her to know that she was not obliged to see people in whom she
took no interest, to go to places merely to be seen. She was no doubt
continuing to hope for a renewal of the beautiful memories of our
engagement and of the blessed peace of the early days of our marriage,
even though she knew that they could never be revived. Inspired by
the choir of nature which she loved, the living beauty of her native
soil in which our first tender thoughts and the awakening of our love
had taken root, she awaited her fate, like the daughter of Jephthah,
surrounded in her mountain retreat by the maidens of Israel, those
faithful followers who for two months tried to stay the hand of death,
“after which her father did with her according to his vow which he had
vowed.” Raymonde, too, was waiting in that saddened state of mind that
is hardly painful and has its secret charm.
* * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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