JUPITER. MERCURY. PHŒBUS. AMPHITRYON, _the Theban General_. SOSIA, _his Slave_. GRIPUS, _a Theban Judge_. POLIDAS, } _Officers of the Theban Army_. TRANIO, } ALCMENA, _Wife to_ AMPHITRYON. PHÆDRA, } _Her Slaves_. BROMIA, } NIGHT. SCENE,--_Thebes_. AMPHITRYON, OR THE TWO SOSIAS. ACT I. SCENE I. MERCURY _and_ PHŒBUS _descend in two Machines_. _Phoe._ Know you the reason of this present summons? 'Tis neither council day, nor is this heaven. What business has our Jupiter on earth? Why more at Thebes than any other place? And why we two, of all the herd of gods, Are chosen out to meet him in consult? They call me God of Wisdom; But Mars and Vulcan, the two fools of heaven, Whose wit lies in their anvil and their sword, Know full as much as I. _Merc._ And Venus may know more than both of us; For 'tis some petticoat affair, I guess. I have discharged my duty, which was, to summon you, Phœbus: we shall know more anon, when the Thunderer comes down. 'Tis our part to obey our father; for, to confess the truth, we two are little better than sons of harlots; and, if Jupiter had not been pleased to take a little pains with our mothers, instead of being gods, we might have been a couple of link-boys. _Phoe._ But know you nothing farther, Hermes? What news in court? _Merc._ There has been a devilish quarrel, I can tell you, between Jupiter and Juno. She threatened to sue him in the spiritual court for some matrimonial omissions; and he stood upon his prerogative: then she hit him in the teeth of all his bastards; and your name and mine were used with less reverence than became our godships. They were both in their cups; and at last the matter grew so high, that they were ready to have thrown stars at one another's heads. _Phoe._ 'Twas happy for me that I was at my vocation, driving day-light about the world. But I had rather stand my father's thunderbolts, than my stepmother's railing. _Merc._ When the tongue-battle was over, and the championess had harnessed her peacocks to go for Samos, and hear the prayers that were made to her-- _Phoe._ By the way, her worshippers had a bad time on't; she was in a damnable humour for receiving petitions. _Merc._ Jupiter immediately beckons me aside, and charges me, that, as soon as ever you had set up your horses, you and I should meet him here at Thebes: Now, putting the premises together, as dark as it is, methinks I begin to see day-light. _Phoe._ As plain as one of my own beams; she has made him uneasy at home, and he is going to seek his diversion abroad. I see heaven itself is no privileged place for happiness, if a man must carry his wife along with him.