_Cal_. When we came from bath, the young fellow had two cups ready, one with the poison for Ptoeodorus, and the other for me; but by some blunder he handed me the poisoned cup, and Ptoeodorus the plain; and behold, before he had done drinking, there was I sprawling on the ground, a vicarious corpse! Why are you laughing so, Zenophantus? I am your friend; such mirth is unseemly. _Ze_. Well, it was such a humorous exit. And how did the old man behave? _Cal_. He was dreadfully distressed for the moment; then he saw, I suppose, and laughed as much as you over the butler's trick. _Ze_. Ah, short cuts are no better for you than for other people, you see; the high road would have been safer, if not quite so quick. H. VIII _Cnemon. Damnippus_ _Cne_. Why, 'tis the proverb fulfilled! The fawn hath taken the lion. _Dam_. What's the matter, Cnemon? _Cne_. The matter! I have been fooled, miserably fooled. I have passed over all whom I should have liked to make my heirs, and left my money to the wrong man. _Dam_. How was that? _Cne_. I had been speculating on the death of Hermolaus, the millionaire. He had no children, and my attentions had been well received by him. I thought it would be a good idea to let him know that I had made my will in his favour, on the chance of its exciting his emulation. _Dam_. Yes; and Hermolaus? _Cne_. What _his_ will was, I don't know. I died suddenly,—the roof came down about my ears; and now Hermolaus is my heir. The pike has swallowed hook and bait. _Dam_. And your anglership into the bargain. The pit that you digged for other…. _Cue_. That's about the truth of the matter, confound it. F. IX _Simylus. Polystratus_ _Si_. So here you are at last, Polystratus; you must be something very like a centenarian. _Pol_. Ninety-eight. _Si_. And what sort of a life have you had of it, these thirty years? you were about seventy when I died. _Pol_. Delightful, though you may find it hard to believe. _Si_. It is surprising that you could have any joy of your life—old, weak, and childless, moreover. _Pol_. In the first place, I could do just what I liked; there were still plenty of handsome boys and dainty women; perfumes were sweet, wine kept its bouquet, Sicilian feasts were nothing to mine. _Si_. This _is_ a change, to be sure; you were very economical in my day. _Pol_. Ah, but, my simple friend, these good things were presents—came in streams. From dawn my doors were thronged with visitors, and in the day it was a procession of the fairest gifts of earth. _Si_. Why, you must have seized the crown after my death. _Pol_. Oh no, it was only that I inspired a number of tender passions. _Si_. Tender passions, indeed! what, you, an old man with hardly a tooth left in your head! _Pol_. Certainly; the first of our townsmen were in love with me. Such as you see me, old, bald, blear-eyed, rheumy, they delighted to do me honour; happy was the man on whom my glance rested a moment.