Lord’s-day, May 2. God was pleased to give me such a sight of myself, as made me appear vile in my own eyes: I felt corruption in my heart, which I could by no means suppress; I was exceeding weak, and almost sick with my inward trials. Lord’s-day, May 9. I never felt so much of the cursed pride of my heart, as well as the stubbornness of my will before. O what a wretch I am! I could not submit to be nothing, and to lie down in the dust. Oh that God would humble me! I felt myself such a sinner, all day, that I had scarce any comfort. Oh when shall I be “delivered from the body of this death!” I greatly feared, lest through stupidity I should lose the benefit of these trials. O that they might be sanctified to my soul! Nothing seemed to touch me but this, that I was a sinner. Thursday, May 13. I saw so much of the wickedness of my heart, that I longed to get away from myself. I never before thought there was so much spiritual pride in my soul: I was almost pressed to death with my vileness. Oh what _a body of death_ is there in me! _Lord, deliver my soul._ O the closest walk with God is the sweetest heaven that can be enjoyed on earth! Friday, May 14. I waited on a council of ministers, and spread before them the treatment I had met with at Yale-college; who thought it adviseable to intercede for me with the rector and trustees, and to intreat them to restore me to my former privileges.¹ ¹ The application which was then made on his behalf, had not the desired success. Saturday, June 12. I spent much time in prayer this morning, and enjoyed much sweetness.――Felt insatiable longings after God: I wondered how poor souls do to live, that have _no God_.――The world, with all its enjoyments, quite vanished. I see myself very helpless: but I have a blessed God to go to. I longed exceedingly “to be dissolved, and to be with Christ, to behold his glory.” Oh, my weak weary soul longs to arrive at _my Father’s house_! Monday, June 14. I felt something of the sweetness of communion with God, and the _constraining_ force of _his love_:――I set apart this day for fasting and prayer, to intreat God to bless me with regard to the great work of _preaching the gospel_. Just at night, the Lord visited me marvellously in prayer: I think my soul never was in such an agony before: I felt no restraint; for the treasures of divine grace were opened to me; I wrestled for my absent friends, for the ingathering of souls, for multitudes of poor souls, and for many that I thought were the children of God, personally, in many distant places. I was in such an agony, till near dark, that I was all over wet with sweat: but yet it seemed to me that I had wasted away the day, and had done nothing. Oh, my dear Jesus did _sweat blood_ for poor souls! I longed for more compassion towards them.