Thursday, November 4. [At Lebanon] I was concerned that I had no more sense of my insufficiency and unworthiness. O it is sweet _lying in the dust_! But it is distressing to feel in my soul that hell of corruption.――In the afternoon I had a sense of the sweetness of a strict, close, and constant devotedness to God, and felt a pleasing yet painful concern, lest I should spend some moments _without God_. O may I always _live to God_!――In the evening I felt an intense desire to spend every moment for God.――God is unspeakably gracious to me continually: in times past, he has given me inexpressible sweetness in the performance of duty; frequently my soul has enjoyed much of God; but has been ready to say, “Lord, it is good to be here;” and so to indulge sloth. But of late God has been pleased to keep my soul _hungry_, almost continually; so that I have been filled with a kind of pleasing pain. When I really enjoy God, I feel my desires of him the more insatiable, and my thirstings after holiness the more unquenchable; and the Lord will not allow me to feel as though I were fully supplied and satisfied, but keeps me still reaching forward; and I feel barren and empty, as though I could not live, without more of God in me; I feel ashamed and guilty _before God_. Oh! I see, “the law is spiritual, but I am carnal.” I do not, I cannot live to God. Oh for holiness! Oh for more of God in my soul! Oh this pleasing pain! It makes my soul press after God; the language of it is, “Then shall I be satisfied, when I awake in God’s likeness,” (_Psalms xxvii. ultima_) but never, never before: and consequently I am engaged to “press towards the mark,” day by day. O that I may feel this continual hunger, and not be retarded, but rather be animated by every cluster from Canaan, to reach forward in the narrow way, for the full enjoyment of the heavenly inheritance! O that I may never loiter in my heavenly journey. Lord’s day, November 7, it seemed as if such an unholy wretch as I never could arrive at that blessedness, to be “holy, as God is holy.” At noon I longed for sanctification, and conformity to God. Oh, that is THE ALL, THE ALL! The Lord help me to _press after God_ for ever. Monday, November 18. I longed for an arrival in the _heavenly country_, the blessed paradise of God. Through divine goodness, I have scarce seen the day, for two months, but _death_ has looked so pleasant to me, that I could have rejoiced the _present_ should be my _last_; and I trust that I shall be able to say, “O death, where is thy sting!” and, “O grave, where is thy victory!” Friday, November 19. [At New-Haven] I received a letter from the Rev. Mr. Pemberton of New-York, desiring me speedily to go down thither, and consult about the Indian affairs, and to meet certain gentlemen there that were intrusted with them. I retired with two or three friends, and prayed; and was enabled to leave myself and all my concerns with God.