Wednesday, November 24. I came to New-York; felt still much concerned about the importance of my business; put up many earnest requests to God; was confused with the noise and tumult of the city; enjoyed but little time alone with God; but my soul longed after him. Thursday, November 25. I spent much time in prayer and supplication: was examined by some gentlemen of my Christian experience, and my acquaintance with divinity, and some other studies, in order to my improvement in that important affair of gospellizing the Heathen¹: was made sensible of my great ignorance and unfitness for public service: *I had the most abasing thoughts of myself, I think, that ever I had: I thought myself the worst wretch that ever lived: it pained my heart, that any body should shew me any respect. Alas! I thought, how sadly they are deceived in me! how miserably would they be disappointed, if they knew my inside! Oh my heart!――And in this depressed condition, I was forced to go and preach to a considerable assembly, before some grave and learned ministers; but I felt such a pressure from a sense of my vileness, ignorance, and unfitness to appear in public, that I was almost overcome with it: my soul was grieved for the congregation, that they should sit there to hear such a _dead dog_ as I preach; I thought myself infinitely indebted to the people, and longed that God would reward them with his grace. ¹ These gentlemen that examined Mr. Brainerd, were the correspondents in New-York, New-Jersey, and Pensylvania, of the honourable society in Scotland for propagating Christian knowledge; to whom was committed the management of their affairs in those parts, and who were now met at New-York. PART IV. _From the time of his being appointed_ Missionary, _to his entrance on his mission among the Indians at Kaunaumeek_. FRIDAY, November 26. I had still a sense of my own vileness, and endeavoured as much as I could to keep alone. O what a nothing, what dust and ashes am I!――I enjoyed some comfort in spreading my complaints before God. Saturday, November 27. I committed my soul to God with some degree of comfort; left New-York about nine in the morning; came away with a distressing sense of my unspeakable unworthiness. Surely I may well love all my brethren; for none of them all is as vile as I; whatever they do outwardly, yet it seems to me none is conscious of so much inward sin. O my leanness, my barrenness, my past bitterness, and want of a gospel-temper! Wednesday, December 1. My soul breathed after God in longing desires of conformity to him: my soul was brought to rest itself, on his rich grace, and felt strength to do or suffer any thing that divine Providence should allot me.