*“I had a constant witness from the Holy Ghost, that I was a child of God. However, the sins of my whole life were brought to my remembrance; particularly those of my heart; the manifold backslidings known only to God. For altho’ God preserved me from falling even once, into those sins, in which I lived in the days of my ignorance; nevertheless I saw my pride, desire, self-will, self-indulgence, levity, and misspending time.¹ I may add to these, my want of love to God, charity to my neighbour, and more serious concern for my own soul. I saw how wonderfully the Lord had dealt with me, raising me from the dust, and giving me so many and invaluable blessings; so that I ought, more than all men, to serve and love him.” ¹ So severe a judge was he of himself, while in the judgment of all who knew his manner of life, he was exemplarily remarkable for the direct contrary. But “the highest flames (to use the words of the great, and pious bishop _Taylor_) are the most tremulous; and so the most holy and eminent religious persons, are more full of awfulness, and fear, and modesty, and humility. And it is a sure rule, that whatsoever heights of piety, union or familiarity, any man pretends to, it is of the devil, unless the greater also be the humility of the man.” “I was moreover deeply convinced how possible, yea easy it is, for a person after having received great light, love, power, and joy, to fall notwithstanding, into a certain dulness of soul; and that holy desires, vehement thirstings after God, and the spirit of prayer, may be lessened, and lost. Truly we can keep nothing unless the _Holy Ghost_ help our infirmities continually. *“But the grand lesson of all which in this little interval I learned was, the absolute necessity of being free from persons, things, and places. I saw what a tendency the soul has to rest in something beside God; I saw that even when we give up our beloved sins, and all temporal things, we are nevertheless apt to rest in the gifts and graces of God; making them as it were our Saviour, and comforter instead of Christ.” *“I saw farther, how deeply the love of life and learning had been rooted in my heart: and that God saw it necessary to correct me often, to shew me the vanity of both.” *“I believe he is resolved to save my soul to the uttermost; and he uses various ways to accomplish this end. I believe this sickness will be of great service to my soul, and perhaps of more use to the children of God, than my labours could be. My desire is only to live wholly to him, and to get more of the love and life of Christ. Lord look upon me, a weak and unconstant man, and strengthen, and establish my heart with thy love. “In exhorting the believers, I found much of divine consolation. O how sweet were these two hours; and how short! Love is a wonderful thing.”