The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original IllustrationsHood, Thomas
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The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original Illustrations
Hood, Thomas
English poetry -- 19th century; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, English
A-staring at the wash-house roof, laid open to the sky:
Then she beckons with her finger, and so down to her I reaches,
And puts my ear agin her mouth to hear her dying speeches,
For, poor soul! she has a husband and young orphans, as I knew;
Well, Ma’am, you won’t believe it, but it’s Gospel fact and true,
But these words is all she whispered--‘Why, where _is_ the powder
blew?’”
[Illustration: “SKYING A COPPER.”]
[Illustration: “IF THE COACH GOES AT SIX PRAY WHAT TIME GOES THE
BASKET?”]
THE LAST SHILLING.
He was evidently a foreigner, and poor. As I sat at the opposite corner
of the Southgate stage, I took a mental inventory of his wardrobe.
A military cloak much the worse for wear,--a blue coat, the worse
for tear,--a napless hat--a shirt neither white nor brown--a pair of
mud-colour gloves, open at each thumb--gray trousers too short for his
legs--and brown boots too long for his feet.
From some words he dropt, I found that he had come direct from Paris,
to undertake the duties of French teacher, at an English academy; and
his companion, the English classical usher, had been sent to London, to
meet and conduct him to his suburban destination.
Poor devil, thought I, thou art going into a bitter bad line
of business; and the hundredth share which I had taken in the
boyish persecutions of my own French master--an emigré of the old
noblesse--smote violently on my conscience. At Edmonton the coach
stopped. The coachman alighted, pulled the bell of a mansion inscribed
in large letters, Vespasian House; and deposited the foreigner’s trunks
and boxes on the footpath. The English classical usher stepped briskly
out, and deposited a shilling in the coachman’s anticipatory hand.
Monsieur followed the example, and with some precipitation prepared to
enter the gate of the fore-garden, but the driver stood in the way.
“I want another shilling,” said the coachman.
“You agreed to take a shilling a-head,” said the English master.
“You said you would take one shilling for my head,” said the French
master.
“It’s for the luggage,” said the coachman.
The Frenchman seemed thunderstruck; but there was no help for
it. He pulled out a small weasel-bellied, brown silk purse, but
there was nothing in it save a medal of Napoleon. Then he felt his
breast-pockets, then his side-pockets, and then his waistcoat-pockets;
but they were all empty, excepting a metal snuff-box, and that was
empty too. Lastly he felt the pockets in the flaps of his coat, taking
out a meagre would-be white handkerchief, and shaking it; but not a
dump. I rather suspect he anticipated the result--but he went thro’ the
operations _seriatim_, with the true French gravity. At last he turned
to his companion, with a “Mistare Barbiere, be as good to lend me one
shilling.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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