The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original IllustrationsHood, Thomas
General
The Works of Thomas Hood; Vol. 01 (of 11): Comic and Serious, in Prose and Verse, With All the Original Illustrations
Hood, Thomas
English poetry -- 19th century; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, English
Mr. Barber, thus appealed to, went through something of the same
ceremony. Like a blue-bottle cleaning itself, he passed his hands over
his breast--round his hips, and down the outside of his thighs,--but
the sense of feeling could detect nothing like a coin.
“You agreed for a shilling, and you shall have no more,” said the man
with empty pockets.
“No--no--no--you shall have no more,” said the moneyless Frenchman.
By this time the housemaid of Vespasian House, tired of standing with
the door in her hand, had come down to the garden-gate, and, willing to
make herself generally useful, laid her hand on one of the Foreigner’s
trunks.
“It shan’t go till I’m paid my shilling,” said the coachman, taking
hold of the handle at the other end.
The good-natured housemaid instantly let go of the trunk, and seemed
suddenly to be bent double by a violent cramp, or stitch, in her right
side,--while her hand groped busily under her gown. But it was in vain.
There was nothing in that pocket but some curl-papers, and a brass
thimble.
The stitch or cramp then seemed to attack her other side; again she
stooped and fumbled, while Hope and Doubt struggled together on her
rosy face. At last Hope triumphed,--from the extremest corner of
the huge dimity pouch she fished up a solitary coin, and thrust it
exultingly into the obdurate palm.
“It won’t do,” said the coachman, casting a wary eye on the metal, and
holding out for the inspection of the trio a silver-washed coronation
medal, which had been purchased of a Jew for twopence the year before.
The poor girl quietly set down the trunk which she had again taken up,
and restored the deceitful medal to her pocket. In the meantime the
arithmetical usher had arrived at the gate in his way out, but was
stopped by the embargo on the luggage. “What’s the matter now?” asked
the man of figures.
“If you please, Sir,” said the housemaid, dropping a low courtesy,
“it’s this impudent fellow of a coachman will stand here for his
rights.”
“He wants a shilling more than his fare,” said Mr. Barber.
“He does want more than his fare shilling,” reiterated the Frenchman.
“Coachman! what the devil are we waiting here for?” shouted a
stentorian voice from the rear of the stage.
“Bless me, John, are we to stay here all day?” cried a shrill voice
from the stage’s interior.
“If you don’t get up shortly I shall get down,” bellowed a voice from
the box.
At this crisis the English usher drew his fellow-tutor aside, and
whispered something in his ear that made him go through the old manual
exercise. He slapped his pantaloons--flapped his coat tails--and felt
about his bosom--“I haven’t got one,” said he, and with a shake of the
head and a hurried bow, he set off at the pace of a twopenny postman.
“I a’n’t going to stand here all day,” said the coachman, getting out
of all reasonable patience.
“You’re an infernal scoundrelly villain,” said Mr. Barber, getting out
of all classical English.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account