The yellow book, an illustrated quarterly. Vol. 1, April 1894
General
The yellow book, an illustrated quarterly. Vol. 1, April 1894
English literature -- 19th century -- Periodicals; Great Britain -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals
I wondered whether this were a perfect fib or only an imperfect
recollection, and she quite understood my unuttered comment on her
perception of such things. But if she could forget Neil Paraday's
beauties she could of course forget my rudeness, and three days later
she invited me, by telegraph, to join the party at Prestidge. This time
she might indeed have had a story about what I had given up to be near
the master. I addressed from that fine residence several communications
to a young lady in London, a young lady whom, I confess, I quitted with
reluctance and whom the reminder of what she herself could give up was
required to make me quit at all. It adds to the gratitude I owe her on
other grounds that she kindly allows me to transcribe from my letters a
few of the passages in which that hateful sojourn is candidly
commemorated.
IX
"I suppose I ought to enjoy the joke," I wrote, "of what's going on
here, but somehow it doesn't amuse me. Pessimism on the contrary
possesses me and cynicism solicits. I positively feel my own flesh sore
from the brass nails in Neil Paraday's social harness. The house is full
of people who like him, as they mention, awfully, and with whom his
talent for talking nonsense has prodigious success. I delight in his
nonsense myself; why is it therefore that I grudge these happy folk
their artless satisfaction? Mystery of the human heart--abyss of the
critical spirit! Mrs. Wimbush thinks she can answer that question, and
as my want of gaiety has at last worn out her patience she has given me
a glimpse of her shrewd guess. I am made restless by the selfishness of
the insincere friend--I want to monopolise Paraday in order that he may
push me on. To be intimate with him is a feather in my cap; it gives me
an importance that I couldn't naturally pretend to, and I seek to
deprive him of social refreshment because I fear that meeting more
disinterested people may enlighten him as to my real spirit. All the
disinterested people here are his particular admirers and have been
carefully selected as such. There is supposed to be a copy of his last
book in the house, and in the hall I come upon ladies, in attitudes,
bending gracefully over the first volume. I discreetly avert my eyes,
and when I next look round the precarious joy has been superseded by the
book of life. There is a sociable circle or a confidential couple, and
the relinquished volume lies open on its face, as if it had been dropped
under extreme coercion. Somebody else presently finds it and transfers
it, with its air of momentary desolation, to another piece of furniture.
Every one is asking every one about it all day, and everyone is telling
everyone where they put it last. I'm sure it's rather smudgy about the
twentieth page. I have a strong impression too that the second volume is
lost--has been packed in the bag of some departing guest; and yet
everybody has the impression that somebody else has read to the end. You
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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