The yellow book, an illustrated quarterly. Vol. 2, July 1894
General
The yellow book, an illustrated quarterly. Vol. 2, July 1894
English literature -- 19th century -- Periodicals; Great Britain -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals
My mind seized the ideal of such a picture, and turned from this
prostitution of it sickly away. Hurriedly I proceeded, and did not
stop again until I had passed the low gateway of the place I sought.
Its forbidding exterior was hidden in the deep twilight and invited no
consideration. I entered and swung back the inner door. It was papered
with memorial cards, recommending to mercy the unprotesting spirits
of the dead. My prayers were requested for the "repose of the soul
of the Architect of that church, who passed away in the True
Faith--December,--1887." Accepting the assertion, I counted him beyond
them, and mentally entrusted mine to the priest for those who were
still groping for it in the gloom.
Within the building, darkness again forbade examination. A few lamps
hanging before the altar struggled with obscurity.
I tried to identify some ugly details with the great man's complacent
eccentricity, and failing, turned toward the street again. Nearly an
hour's walk lay between me and my home. This fact and the atmosphere
of stuffy sanctity about the place, set me longing for space again,
and woke a fine scorn for aught but air and sky. My appetite, too, was
now an hour ahead of opportunity. I sent back a final glance into the
darkness as my hand prepared to strike the door. There was no motion
at the moment, and it was silent; but the magnetism of human presence
reached me where I stood. I hesitated, and in a few moments found what
sought me on a chair in the far corner, flung face downwards across
the seat. The attitude arrested me. I went forward. The lines of the
figure spoke unquestionable despair.
Does speech convey intensity of anguish? Its supreme expression is in
form. Here was human agony set forth in meagre lines, voiceless, but
articulate to the soul. At first the forcible portrayal of it assailed
me with the importunate strength of beauty. Then the Thing stretched
there in the obdurate darkness grew personal and banished delight.
Neither sympathy nor its vulgar substitute, curiosity, induced my
action as I drew near. I was eager indeed to be gone. I wanted to
ignore the almost indistinguishable being. My will cried: Forsake
it!--but I found myself powerless to obey. Perhaps it would have
conquered had not the girl swiftly raised herself in quest of me. I
stood still. Her eyes met mine. A wildly tossed spirit looked from
those ill-lighted windows, beckoning me on. Mine pressed towards it,
but whether my limbs actually moved I do not know, for the imperious
summons robbed me of any consciousness save that of necessity to
comply.
Did she reach me, or was our advance mutual? It cannot be told. I
suppose we neither know. But we met, and her hand, grasping mine,
imperatively dragged me into the cold and noisy street.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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