They Call Me Carpenter: A Tale of the Second ComingSinclair, Upton
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They Call Me Carpenter: A Tale of the Second Coming
Sinclair, Upton
Hollywood (Los Angeles, Calif.) -- Fiction; Jesus Christ -- Fiction
“Ah, surely, Meester Rosythe! The god of beautee, he breengs them to
us! And the leetle god with the golden arrow, the rosy cheeks and
the leetle dimple--the dimple that we make heem for two hundred
dollars a piece--eh, Meester Rosythe? He breengs the ladies to us!”
The critic turned. “Madame Planchet, permit me to introduce Mr.
Carpenter. He is a man of wonder, he heals pain, and does it by
means of love.”
“Oh, how eenteresting! But what eef love heemself ees pain--who
shall heal that, eh, Meester Carpentair?”
“O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-h!” came the moan.
Said Rosythe: “Mr. Carpenter thinks you make the ladies suffer too
much. It worries him.”
“Ah, but the ladies do not mind! Pain? What ees eet? The lady who
makes the groans, she cannot move, and so she ees unhappy. Also, she
likes to have her own way, she ees a leetle--what you say?--spoilt.
But her troubles weel pass; she weel be beautiful, and her husband
weel love her more, and she weel be happy.”
“O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh!” from the other room; and Madame Planchet
prattled away: “I say to them, Make plenty of noises! Eet helps! No
one weel be afraid, for all here are worshippers of the god of
beautee--all weel bear the pains that he requires. Eh, Meester
Carpentair?”
Carpenter was staring at her. I had not before seen such intensity
of concentration on his face. He was trying to understand this
situation, so beyond all believing.
“I weel tell you something,” said Madame Planchet, lowering her
voice confidentially. “The lady what you hear--that ees Meeses T-S.
You know Meester T-S, the magnate of the peectures?”
Carpenter did not say whether he knew or not.
“They come to me always, the peecture people; to me. The magician,
the deputee of the god of beautee. Polly Pretty, she comes, and
Dolly Dimple, she comes, and Lucy Love, she comes, and Betty Belle
Bird. They come to me for the hair, and for the eyes, and for the
complexion. You are a workair of miracles yourself--but can you do
what I do? Can you make the skeen all new? Can you make the old
young?”
“O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh!”
“Mary Magna, she comes to me, and she breengs me her old
grandmother, and she says, 'Madame,' she says, 'make her new from
the waist up, for you can nevair tell how the fashions weel change,
and what she weel need to show.' Ha, ha, ha, she ees wittee, ees the
lovely Mary! And I take the old lady, and her wrinkles weel be gone,
and her skeen weel be soft like a leetle baby's, and in her cheeks
weel be two lovely dimples, and she weel dance with the young boys,
and they weel not know her from her grandchild--ha, ha, ha!--ees eet
not the wondair?”
I knew by now where I was. I had heard many times of Madame
Planchet's beauty-parlors. I sat, wondering; should I take Carpenter
by the arm, and lead him gently out? Or should I leave him to fight
his own fight with modern civilization?
“O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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