They Call Me Carpenter: A Tale of the Second ComingSinclair, Upton
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They Call Me Carpenter: A Tale of the Second Coming
Sinclair, Upton
Hollywood (Los Angeles, Calif.) -- Fiction; Jesus Christ -- Fiction
“My God, will you look who's here! Billy, wretched creature, I
haven't laid eyes on you for two months! Do you have to desert me
entirely, just because you've fallen in love with a society girl
with the face of a Japanese doll-baby? What's the matter with me,
that I lose my lovers faster than I get them? Edgerton Rosythe, come
in here--you've got a good excuse, I admit--I'm almost as much
scared of your wife as you are yourself. But still, I'd like a
chance to get tired of some man first. Hello, Planchet, how's my old
grannie making out in your scalping-shop? Say, would you think it
would take three days labor for half a dozen Sioux squaws to pull
the skin off one old lady's back? And a week to tie up the corners
of her mouth and give her a permanent smile! 'Why, grannie,' I said,
'good God, it would be cheaper to hire Charlie Chaplin to walk round
in front of you all the rest of your life!' And--why, what's this?
For the love of Peter, somebody introduce me to this gentleman. Is
he a friend of yours, Billy? Carpenter? Excuse me, Mr. Carpenter,
but we picture people learn to talk about our faces and our styles,
and it isn't every day I come on a million dollars walking round on
two legs. Who does the gentleman work for?”
The storm of Mary Magna stopped long enough for her to stare from
one to another of us. “What? You mean nobody's got him? And you all
standing round here, not signing any contracts? You, Edgerton--you
haven't run to the telephone to call up Eternal City? Well, as it
happens, T-S is going to be here in five minutes--his wife is being
made beautiful once again somewhere in this scalping-shop. Take my
advice, Mr. Carpenter, and don't sign today--the price will go up
several hundred per week as long as you hold off.”
Mary stopped again; and this was most unusual, for as a general rule
she never stopped until somebody or something stopped her. But she
was fascinated by the spectacle of Carpenter. “My good God! Where
did he come from? Why, it seems like--I'm trying to think--yes,
it's the very man! Listen, Billy; you may not believe it, but I was
in a church a couple of weeks ago. I went to see Roxanna Riddle
marry that grand duke fellow. It was in a big church over by the
park--St. Bartholomew's, they call it. I sat looking at a stained
glass window over the altar, and Billy, I swear I believe this Mr.
Carpenter came down from that window!”
“Maybe he did, Mary,” I put in.
“But I'm not joking! I tell you he's the living, speaking image of
that figure. Come to think of it, he isn't speaking, he hasn't said
a word! Tell me, Mr. Carpenter, have you got a voice, or are you
only a close up from 'The Servant in the House' or 'Ben Hur'? Say
something, so I can get a line on you!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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