They Call Me Carpenter: A Tale of the Second Coming — John Shaqi
They Call Me Carpenter: A Tale of the Second ComingSinclair, Upton
General
They Call Me Carpenter: A Tale of the Second Coming
Sinclair, Upton
Hollywood (Los Angeles, Calif.) -- Fiction; Jesus Christ -- Fiction
Again I stood wondering; how would Carpenter take this? Would he bow
his head and run before a hail-storm of feminine impertinence? Would
she “vamp” him, as she did every man who came near her? Or would
this man do what no man alive had yet been able to do--reduce her to
silence?
He smiled gently; and I saw that she had vamped him this much, at
least--he was going to be polite! “Mary,” he said, “I think you are
carrying everything but the nose jewels.”
“Nose jewels? What a horrid idea! Where did you get that?”
“When you came in, I was quoting the prophet Isaiah. Some eighty
generations of ladies have lived on earth since his day, Mary; they
have won the ballot, but apparently they haven't discovered anything
new in the way of ornaments. Some of the prophet's words may be
strange to you, but if you study them you will see that you've got
everything he lists: 'their tinkling ornaments about their feet, and
their cauls, and their round tires like the moon, the chains, and
the bracelets, and the mufflers, the bonnets, and the ornaments of
the legs, and the headbands, and the tablets, and the earrings, the
rings, and nose jewels, the changeable suits of apparel, and the
mantles, and the wimples, and the crisping pins, the glasses, and
the fine linen, and the hoods, and the veils.'”
As Carpenter recited this list, his eyes roamed from one part to
another of the wondrous “get up” of Mary Magna. You can imagine her
facing him--that bold and vivid figure which you have seen as
“Cleopatra” and “Salome,” as “Dubarry” and “Anne Boleyn,” and I know
not how many other of the famous courtesans and queens of history.
In daily life her style and manner is every bit as staggering; she
is a gorgeous brunette, and wears all the colors there are--when she
goes down the street it is like a whole procession with flags. I'll
wager that, apart from her jewels, which may or may not have been
real, she was carrying not less than five thousand dollars worth of
stuff that fall afternoon. A big black picture hat, with a flower
garden and parts of an aviary on top--but what's the use of going
over Isaiah's list?
“Everything but the nose jewels,” said Carpenter, “and they may be
in fashion next week.”
“How about the glasses?” put in Rosythe, entering into the fun.
“Oh, shucks!” said I, protecting my friend. “Turn out the contents
of your vanity-bag, Mary.”
“And the crisping-pins?” laughed the critic.
“Hasn't Madame Planchet just shown us those?”
All this while Mary had not taken her eyes off Carpenter. “So you
are really one of those religious fellows!” she exclaimed. “You'll
know exactly what to do without any directing! How perfectly
incredible!” And at that appropriate moment T-S pushed open the door
and waddled in!
XII
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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