Thirteen Years of a Busy Woman's LifeAlec-Tweedie, Mrs. (Ethel)
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Thirteen Years of a Busy Woman's Life
Alec-Tweedie, Mrs. (Ethel)
Alec-Tweedie, Mrs. (Ethel), -1940; Great Britain -- Intellectual life -- 20th century
The man talked in a perfectly rational manner, though at the same time
in an extremely impressive tone.
“I did not come to the conclusion lightly,” he continued. “I weighed
all the _pros_ and _cons_; faced all the circumstances of the case, and
I could not see that my life was of any value; in fact, in many ways
my family would be better off without me. I had not much pluck left to
face the inevitable racks of pain and disease, so after hours and days
of mental torment I decided to end it all.
“Night came.
“Having determined to wait quietly until all the family were in bed, I
sat in my study and read. I read and thought, and planned and argued,
and the hours appeared to drag interminably. For some reason the
servants seemed later than usual in retiring, and I watched the hands
of the clock slowly move along. It was almost midnight. The lights
had been put out in the passages. I could no longer hear the tread of
people overhead; but for fear that it was still too early I returned
to the book I was reading. Strangely enough, my eye fell on the word
_suicide_. It seemed to rivet me with a weird and terrible fascination.
I looked again, and that word appeared to be written in letters of
blood. Was it a message, I wondered, to a man standing on the brink of
the grave, on the verge of cutting the knot of life? What did that word
_suicide_ portend? I read on....
“Gradually I became interested. Here was a strange case. A man battling
with blindness, a man whose circumstances seemed somewhat similar to
my own; and as I read, I discovered that he had thought deeply on the
same subject, he had disentangled the same problem. Yes, as I read
and re-read the words they seemed to burn into my brain. I realised
that this man decided that he was _not_ justified in taking his own
life, that even though blindness threatened he still had a mission to
fulfil; and when I had learnt those words by heart, I banged down the
book, rose from the table, clenched my fist, and determined to go on
quietly and live my life to the bitter end. That page which altered
the course of events was in the ‘Life’ you wrote of your father.[1]
Since that evening I have read the book from end to end. Clearly he was
right. He had a mission to fulfil and fulfilled it. I have, I hope, now
passed through the darkest hour of my life, but I could not rest until
I came to tell you personally that if you had not written the book,
which chance put into my hand that night, I should have been a dead man
to-day.”
Seizing both my hands, he uttered, “God bless you and thank you! God
bless you! Good-bye.”
And he was gone.
This incident set me thinking.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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