--I sent her to seek out a litter, as she was hardly in a state to walk. We
arrive at Gardeil's, at this huge new house, the only one on the right side
of Hyacinthe street when coming from Saint-Michel square. The porters stop;
they open the doors. I wait. She does not get out. I lean over and I see a
woman seized with a universal trembling. Her teeth were chattering as if from
feverish chills, her knees were hitting together. `A moment, monsieur; I am
sorry; I cannot... what can I do here? I will have torn you from your affairs
for nothing; I am so sorry; I ask your forgiveness...´ But I held out my hand
to her. She took it, she tried to get up; she could not. `One more moment,
monsieur,´ she told me, `I am such a bother; I am a burden to you.´ At last
she pulled herself together; and as she rose from her seat she added softly:
`We need to go in; we have to see him. Who knows? Perhaps I will die
there...´ Across the courtyard; at the door of the apartment; in Gardeil's
office. He was at his desk in his dressing gown and bonnet. He waved hello to
me and continued the work he had started. Then he came over to me and said:
`You must admit, monsieur, that women are an inconvenience. I apologize a
thousand times for the extravagances of mademoiselle.´ Then he addressed
himself to the poor creature, who was more dead than alive. `Mademoiselle,´
he said to her, `what more do you want from me? It seems to me that after
explaining myself to you in so clear and precise a manner everything should
be settled between us. I told you that I no longer loved you, I told you that
person to person. Apparently your plan is for me to repeat it to you in front
of this gentleman. Well, mademoiselle, I do not love you anymore.
Extinguished in my heart is this feeling of love for you and, I will add if
it makes you feel better, for any women.´ `But tell me why you no longer love
me.´ `No idea. All I know is that I started without knowing why, that I
stopped without knowing why, and that I feel it is impossible for this
passion to return. It was a childish pursuit of which I believe myself to be
and congratulate myself for being completely cured.´ `What are my faults?´
`You have none.´ `You have no secret complaint with my behavior?´ `Not the
least. You have been the most loyal, decent, kind woman a man could desire.´
`Have I overlooked anything it is within my power to do?´ `Nothing.´ `Have I
not sacrificed my parents for you?´ `It is true.´ `My fortune.´ `I am sorry
for that.´ `My health?´ `That may be.´ `My honor, my reputation, my sleep?´
`Whatever pleases you.´ `And you find me odious!´ `That is difficult to say,
difficult to hear, but since it is so, it has to be admitted.´ `He finds me
odious!... I know it, and do not respect myself any more for it!... Odious!
Oh, God!...´ At these words a mortal pallor spread across her face; her lips
lost their color; drops of cold sweat forming on her cheeks mixed with tears
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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