"This was a man" : $b A comedy in three actsCoward, Noël
General
"This was a man" : $b A comedy in three acts
Coward, Noël
Comedy plays; English drama (Comedy) -- 20th century; Triangles (Interpersonal relations) -- Drama
CAROL
Who is it?
EDWARD
Oh.... Hold on, please.... Harry Challoner.
[_He hands her the telephone curtly and goes over to the window._]
CAROL
[_At telephone_]
Hallo!... Yes, it’s me.... No—no, I can’t. I’m sorry.... All right, if
you like.... I’ll be in between six and seven.... Yes.... Good-by.
[_She hangs up the receiver and looks toward EDWARD who has his back
turned. She is about to go out again, when he turns._]
EDWARD
Carol.
CAROL
Yes?
EDWARD
I want to talk to you.
CAROL
Is anything the matter?
EDWARD
Yes. Sit down, will you?
CAROL
[_Sitting_]
If you like.
EDWARD
I want to get things settled.
CAROL
Get things settled?
EDWARD
Yes.
CAROL
What sort of things?
EDWARD
Our exact relationship.
CAROL
What _do_ you mean?
EDWARD
Just that.
CAROL
I don’t understand.
EDWARD
I think you do.
CAROL
[_By now extremely apprehensive_]
I don’t Edward, honestly.
EDWARD
Do you intend to pursue your present course indefinitely?
CAROL
What are you talking about?
EDWARD
Infidelity.
CAROL
Are you insinuating that I—
EDWARD
I’m insinuating nothing. I’m stating that you have been unfaithful to me.
CAROL
[_Rising_]
Edward!
EDWARD
[_Firmly_]
Sit down. This is not a scene—it’s a process of readjustment. Please let
us keep it as brief as possible.
CAROL
[_Sinking down_]
How can you be so horrible!
EDWARD
Do you deny it?
CAROL
Of course I do.
EDWARD
Carol, let me disillusion you. I’m not bluffing. I _know_. I’ve known for
ages. It’s no use wasting time denying and arguing. We must decide what’s
to be done about it.
CAROL
How can you be so foul!
EDWARD
[_Wearily_]
Oh, Carol, do stop acting.
CAROL
You’re insufferable.
EDWARD
Once and for all will you be sensible?
CAROL
I hate you.
EDWARD
That would be beautifully definite if you weren’t so unreliable.
CAROL
Do you want me to hate you?
EDWARD
To be honest with you, I really don’t mind.
CAROL
[_Outraged_]
Edward!
EDWARD
Don’t be a fool, Carol.
CAROL
How dare you! How dare you!
EDWARD
We will face facts, please.
CAROL
[_Rising_]
I’m not going to stay here and be insulted.
EDWARD
You’re not being insulted—it’s I who have been insulted. You’ve been
publicly underrating my intelligence for months.
CAROL
That’s what’s upsetting you, is it?
EDWARD
Certainly it is. I wish you’d sit down.
CAROL
I’m going to my room.
EDWARD
You’re only temporarily evading the issues by doing that.
CAROL
What’s the object of all this?
EDWARD
The object, as I said before, is to get our relationship satisfactorily
defined.
CAROL
[_With grandeur_]
It’s satisfactorily defined now as far as I am concerned.
EDWARD
I would prefer the satisfaction to be mutual.
CAROL
You think you’re very clever, don’t you?
EDWARD
What a common remark! You’ll be sticking your tongue out at me in a
minute.
CAROL
I suppose Zoe has been putting you up to this.
EDWARD
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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