Christian fiction; Wingfold, Thomas (Fictitious character) -- Fiction
“I was sent to one of our smaller public schools--mainly, I believe,
because I was an eyesore to my handsome father. There I made, I fancy,
about as good a beginning as wretched health, and the miseries of a
sensitive nature, ever conscious of exposure, without mother or home to
hide its feebleness and deformity, would permit. For then first I
felt myself an outcast. I was the butt of all the coarser-minded of my
schoolfellows, and the kindness of some could but partially make up for
it. On the other hand, I had no haunting and irritating sense of wrong,
such as I believe not a few of my fellows in deformity feel--no burning
indignation, or fierce impulse to retaliate on those who injured me,
or on the society that scorned me. The isolation that belonged to my
condition wrought indeed to the intensifying of my individuality, but
that again intensified my consciousness of need more than of wrong,
until the passion blossomed almost into assurance, and at length I
sought even with agony the aid to which my wretchedness seemed to have a
right. My longing was mainly for a refuge, for some corner into which
I might creep, where I should be concealed and so at rest. The sole
triumph I coveted over my persecutors was to know that they could not
find me--that I had a friend stronger than they. It is no wonder I
should not remember when I began to pray, and hope that God heard me.
I used to fancy to myself that I lay in his hand and peeped through his
fingers at my foes. That was at night, for my deformity brought me one
blessed comfort--that I had no bedfellow. This I felt at first as both
a sad deprivation and a painful rejection, but I learned to pray the
sooner for the loneliness, and the heartier from the solitude which was
as a chamber with closed door.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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