“Gentlemen,--guests,” said Creese, apparently not in the least alarmed, but putting himself in a strong attitude, and calmly collaring the cousins; “be mild, and you shall hear all; or one at a time, and I'm for the first fair fall, who shall pay last night's smart, with the best, or both of you,--one down t'other come on: but if you'll put your hands in your pockets and be peaceable, I'll employ mine to produce your teeth;--that is, if I can.” The cousins now relinquished their holds, and Ned drew out a drawer of the dresser, and requested they would look into it. “Here,” said he, “you will find the fragments of your feast of fisty-cuffs; perhaps, among the bits of lace, linen, broad-cloth, frogs and buttons, which I carefully swept up last night, after I had put you both to bed, you may find your teeth; if not, I know nothing about them:--send for a constable, and search me, if you like.” At this offer, the cousins turned to each other and were going to smile; but immediately they were face to face, they stared in so rueful a manner, that Creese was amazingly amused. It was the first time, since Ralph had come down stairs, that the cousins had closely inspected each other's countenances, which might, with propriety enough, as the landlord said, be called “maps of mischance.” “But it's all your own doings,” quoth he; “the credit and honour belong to nobody but yourselves;--I must say you're both downright dapsters at disfiguration.” “But how were it, d'ye say, landlord?” asked Ralph. “Ay, truly, how happened it all, according to your story?”--said Harry. “Why, gentlemen,” replied Creese, “after I found you were going to drink more than I could well bear,--when it was high tide almost in my head, and my frail wits began to rock to and fro, pitching me about, when I moved, like a barge in a hurricane,--I very wisely anchored in the bar, and attended, as well as I could, to my business: a nap or two between whiles, as I tended my customers, and one cool pipe, brought me round, and it was calm sailing with me again.--All this time you were getting louder and louder; at last, the short gentleman, my worthy friend, Mr. Harry, persuaded you, Mr. Ralph, to try a friendly back-fall with him. There wasn't much harm in that;--though, I promise you, I tried to prevent it, but couldn't. So I cleared away the crockery, and stood by, as 'twas my duty, to see fair. Harry was, clearly, in my mind, the best wrestler; but, somehow, Ralph got the in-lock, and laid him upon the planchin, flat as a pancake.” “Did I, by jingo?” eagerly exclaimed Ralph. “No,--it's all his lies;--it couldn't be!” quoth Harry; looking very incredulous and displeased.