Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"Little by little, bit by bit," he said, "I am beginning to form a sort
of picture of this girl, this--what was her name again? Bennett--this
Miss Bennett. You have a wonderful knack of description. You make her
seem so real and vivid. Tell me some more about her. She wasn't keen on
golf, by any chance, I suppose?"
"I believe she did play. The subject came up once and she seemed rather
enthusiastic. Why?"
"Well, I'd much sooner talk to a girl about golf than poetry."
"You are hardly likely to be in a position to have to talk to
Wilhelmina Bennett about either, I should imagine."
"No, there's that, of course. I was thinking of girls in general. Some
girls bar golf, and then it's rather difficult to know how to start
conversation. But, tell me, were there any topics which got on Miss
Bennett's nerves, if you know what I mean? It seems to me that at one
time or another you may have said something that offended her. I mean,
it seems curious that she should have broken off the engagement if
you had never disagreed or quarrelled about anything."
"Well, of course, there was always the matter of that dog of hers. She
had a dog, you know, a snappy brute of a Pekingese. If there was ever
any shadow of disagreement between us, it had to do with that dog. I
made rather a point of it that I would not have it about the home after
we were married."
"I see!" said Sam. He shot his cuff once more and wrote on it:
"Dog-conciliate."
"Yes, of course, that must have wounded her."
"Not half so much as he wounded me! He pinned me by the ankle the day
before we--Wilhelmina and I, I mean--were to have been married. It is
some satisfaction to me in my broken state to remember that I got home
on the little beast with considerable juiciness and lifted him clean
over the Chesterfield."
Sam shook his head reprovingly.
"You shouldn't have done that!" he said. He extended his cuff and added
the words "Vitally important" to what he had just written. "It was
probably that which decided her."
"Well, I hate dogs," said Eustace Hignett querulously. "I remember
Wilhelmina once getting quite annoyed with me because I refused to step
in and separate a couple of the brutes, absolute strangers to me, who
were fighting in the street. I reminded her that we were all fighters
now-a-days, that life itself was in a sense a fight: but she wouldn't
be reasonable about it. She said that Sir Galahad would have done it
like a shot. I thought not. We have no evidence whatsoever that Sir
Galahad was ever called upon to do anything half as dangerous. And,
anyway, he wore armour. Give me a suit of mail reaching well down over
the ankles, and I will willingly intervene in a hundred dog fights. But
in thin flannel trousers no!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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