Three Men and a MaidWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Three Men and a Maid
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories
"That's bad!"
"She came to me and healed me. Sam, that girl is an angel."
"Switch off the light when you've finished."
"She seemed to understand without a word how I was feeling. There are
some situations which do not need words. She went away and returned
with a mixture of some kind in a glass.
"I don't know what it was. It had Worcester sauce in it. She put it to
my lips. She made me drink it. She said it was what her father always
used in Africa for bull-calves with the staggers. Well, believe me or
believe me not ... Are you asleep?"
"Yes."
"Believe me or believe me not, in under two minutes I was not merely
freed from the nausea caused by your cigar. I was smoking myself! I was
walking the deck with her without the slightest qualm. I was even able
to look over the side from time to time and comment on the beauty
of the moon on the water ... I have said some mordant things about women
since I came on board this boat. I withdraw them unreservedly. They
still apply to girls like Wilhelmina Bennett, but I have ceased to
include the whole sex in my remarks. Jane Hubbard has restored my faith
in woman. Sam! Sam!"
"What?"
"I said that Jane Hubbard had restored my faith in woman."
"Oh, all right."
Eustace Hignett finished undressing and got into bed. With a soft smile
on his face he switched off the light. There was a long silence, broken
only by the distant purring of engines. At about twelve-thirty a voice
came from the lower berth.
"Sam!"
"What is it now?"
"There is a sweet womanly strength about her, Sam. She was telling me
she once killed a panther with a hat-pin."
Sam groaned and tossed on his mattress.
Silence fell again.
"At least I think it was a panther," said Eustace Hignett, at a quarter
past one. "Either a panther or a puma."
CHAPTER EIGHT
A week after the liner Atlantic had docked at Southampton, Sam Marlowe
might have been observed--and was observed by various of the
residents--sitting on a bench on the esplanade of that repellent
watering-place, Bingley-on-the-Sea, in Sussex. All watering-places on
the South Coast of England are blots on the landscape, but, though I am
aware that by saying it I shall offend the civic pride of some of the
others, none are so peculiarly foul as Bingley-on-the-Sea. The asphalt
on the Bingley esplanade is several degrees more depressing than the
asphalt on other esplanades. The Swiss waiters at the Hotel Magnificent,
where Sam was stopping, are in a class of bungling incompetence by
themselves, the envy and despair of all the other Swiss waiters at all
the other Hotels Magnificent along the coast. For dreariness of aspect
Bingley-on-the-Sea stands alone. The very waves that break on the
shingle seem to creep up the beach reluctantly, as if it revolted them
to come to such a place.
Why, then, was Sam Marlowe visiting this ozone-swept Gehenna? Why, with
all the rest of England at his disposal, had he chosen to spend a week
at breezy, blighted Bingley?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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