England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 19th century
The smile which touched his lips so seldom was on them now. He showed
no agitation, but the light of his eyes was very vivid as they read her
expression. Annabel had stayed her steps; for a moment she looked
troubled. His words were not unanticipated, but the answer with which
she was prepared was more difficult to utter than she had thought it
would be. It was the first time that a man had spoken to her thus, and
though in theory such a situation had always seemed to her very simple,
she could not now preserve her calm as she wished. She felt the warmth
of her blood, and could not at once command her wonted voice. But when
at length she succeeded in meeting his look steadily her thought grew
clear again.
'I cannot give you that, Mr. Egremont.'
As his eyes fell, she hastened to add:
'I think of you often. I feel glad to know you, and to share in your
interest. But this is no more than the friendship which many people
have for you--quite different from the feeling which you say would aid
you. I have never known that.'
He was gazing across the lake. The melancholy always lurking in the
thoughtfulness of his face had become predominant. Yet he turned to her
with the smile once more.
'Those last words must be my hope. To have your friendship is much.
Perhaps some day I may win more.'
'I think,' she said, with a sincerity which proved how far she was from
emotion, 'that you will meet another woman whose sympathy will be far
more to you than mine.'
'Then I must have slight knowledge of myself. I have known you for
seven years, and, though you were a child when we first spoke to each
other, I foresaw then what I tell you now. Every woman that I meet I
compare with you; and if I imagine the ideal woman she has your face
and your mind. I should have spoken when I was here last autumn, but I
felt that I had no right to ask you to share my life as long as it
remained so valueless. You see'--he smiled--'how I have grown in my own
esteem. I suppose that is always the first effect of a purpose strongly
conceived. Or should it be just the opposite, and have I only given you
a proof that I snatch at rewards before doing the least thing to merit
them?'
Something in these last sentences jarred upon her, and gave her courage
to speak a thought which had often come to her in connection with
Egremont.
'I think that a woman does not reason in that way if her deepest
feelings are pledged. If I were able to go with you and share your life
I shouldn't think I was rewarding you, but that you were offering me a
great happiness. It is my loss that I can only watch you from a
distance.'
The words moved him. It was not with conscious insincerity that he
spoke of his love and his intellectual aims as interdependent, yet he
knew that Annabel revealed the truer mind.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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