The versatility which is so fundamental an element in O.'s nature has
not been prejudicial to his business career. He has managed and still
manages important commercial undertakings, demanding initiative and
decision, and, so far from sparing himself in any way, he has exhibited
a combination of caution and audacity that has stood him in good stead.
It is more especially in the conduct of urgent operations that his
alertness is displayed. His comprehensive grasp of the situation enables
him to put his machinery at once into action, with eminently
satisfactory results, if we judge by his prosperous and assured
position.
His mobile and impulsive temperament is revealed in his every deed, but
he shows at the same time a curious disposition to alternate between the
pros and the cons of a question. It is the outcome of his extremely
analytical and introspective mind.
I find myself seeking a knot in every bulrush. I experience a
sensation of pleasure only to tax my ingenuity in discovering some
danger or blame therein. If a person produces an agreeable
impression on me, I cudgel my brains in the attempt to detect
faults in him. I take it into my head to ascertain how anything
from which I derive enjoyment might become an aversion instead. The
absurdity of these inconsistencies is perfectly patent to me, and
my reflections occasion me pain; but the attainment of my ends is
accompanied with a feeling of pleasure.
In regard to my tics, what I find most insupportable is the thought
that I am making myself ridiculous and that every one is laughing
at me. I seem to notice in each person I pass in the street a
curious look of scorn or of pity that is either humiliating or
irritating. No doubt my statement is a little exaggerated, but my
fellows and I have an overweening self-conceit. We wish to be
ignored, and yet we wish to be considered; it is annoying to be the
object of sympathy, but we cannot bear to become a laughing-stock.
Accordingly our goal is the dissimulation of our failing by any
means feasible; yet nine times out of ten our efforts are abortive
simply because we invent a tic to hide a tic, and so add both to
the ridicule and the disease.
Alike in speaking and in writing O. betrays an advanced degree of mental
instability. His conversation is a tissue of disconnected thoughts and
uncompleted sentences; he interrupts himself to diverge at a tangent on
a new train of ideas--a method of procedure not without its charm, as it
frequently results in picturesque and amusing associations. No sooner
has he expressed one idea in words than another rises in his mind, a
third, a fourth, each of which must be suitably clothed; but as time
fails for this purpose, the consequence is a series of obscure ellipses
which are often captivating by their very unexpectedness.
His writing presents an analogous characteristic.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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