England -- Fiction; Patent medicines -- Marketing -- Fiction; Pharmaceutical industry -- Fiction; Satire; Science fiction
I didn’t, as a matter of fact, marry her until a year after Tono-Bungay
was thoroughly afloat, and then only after conflicts and discussions of
a quite strenuous sort. By that time I was twenty-four. It seems the
next thing to childhood now. We were both in certain directions
unusually ignorant and simple; we were temperamentally antagonistic,
and we hadn’t—I don’t think we were capable of—an idea in common. She
was young and extraordinarily conventional—she seemed never to have an
idea of her own but always the idea of her class—and I was young and
sceptical, enterprising and passionate; the two links that held us
together were the intense appeal her physical beauty had for me, and
her appreciation of her importance in my thoughts. There can be no
doubt of my passion for her. In her I had discovered woman desired. The
nights I have lain awake on account of her, writhing, biting my wrists
in a fever of longing! ...
I have told how I got myself a silk hat and black coat to please her on
Sunday—to the derision of some of my fellow-students who charged to
meet me, and how we became engaged. But that was only the beginning of
our difference. To her that meant the beginning of a not unpleasant
little secrecy, an occasional use of verbal endearments, perhaps even
kisses. It was something to go on indefinitely, interfering in no way
with her gossiping spells of work at Smithie’s. To me it was a pledge
to come together into the utmost intimacy of soul and body so soon as
we could contrive it....
I don’t know if it will strike the reader that I am setting out to
discuss the queer, unwise love relationship and my bungle of a marriage
with excessive solemnity. But to me it seems to reach out to vastly
wider issues than our little personal affair. I’ve thought over my
life. In these last few years I’ve tried to get at least a little
wisdom out of it. And in particular I’ve thought over this part of my
life. I’m enormously impressed by the ignorant, unguided way in which
we two entangled ourselves with each other. It seems to me the queerest
thing in all this network of misunderstandings and misstatements and
faulty and ramshackle conventions which makes up our social order as
the individual meets it, that we should have come together so
accidentally and so blindly. Because we were no more than samples of
the common fate. Love is not only the cardinal fact in the individual
life, but the most important concern of the community; after all, the
way in which the young people of this generation pair off determines
the fate of the nation; all the other affairs of the State are
subsidiary to that. And we leave it to flushed and blundering youth to
stumble on its own significance, with nothing to guide in but shocked
looks and sentimental twaddle and base whisperings and cant-smeared
examples.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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