He wondered how he was going to tell her. And the question, the
difficulty, roused in him an astonishing amount of exasperation. He
regarded her almost vindictively, with covertly shut hands. He must get
hold of himself. Hallie, to whom he was about to do irreparable harm,
the kindest woman in existence! But he realized that whatever feeling
he had had for her was gone for ever; she had become merged
indistinguishably into the thought of East-lake; and every nerve in him
demanded a total separation from the slumbrous town that had witnessed
his legal failure.
He wasn't, he knew, normal; his intention here was reprehensible, but
he was without will to defeat it. Alexander Hulings felt the clumsy
hand drawing tighter the string he had pictured himself as being; an
overwhelming impulse overtook him to rush away—anywhere, immediately. He
said in a rapid blurred voice:
“Hallie, this... our plans are a failure. That is, I am. The law's been
no good; I mean, I haven't. Can't get the hang of the—the damned——”
“Alex!” she interrupted, astonished at the expletive.
“I'm going away,” he gabbled on, only half conscious of his words in
waves of giddy insecurity. “Yes; for good. I'm no use here! Shot to
pieces, somehow. Forgive me. Can't get a thousand.”
Hallie Flower said in a tone of unpremeditated surprise:
“Then I'll never be married!”
She sat with her hands open in her lap, a wistfulness on her countenance
that he found only silly. He cursed himself, his impotence, bitterly.
Now he wanted to get away; but there remained an almost more impossible
consummation—Hallie's parents. They were old; she was an only child.
“Your father——” he muttered.
On his feet he swayed like a pendulum. Viselike fingers gripped at
the back of his neck. The hand of death? Incredibly he lived through a
stammering, racking period, in the midst of which a cuckoo ejaculated
seven idiotic notes from the fretted face of a clock.
He was on the street again; the cruel pressure was relaxed; he drew a
deep breath. In his room, a select chamber with a “private” family, he
packed and strapped his small leather trunk. There was nowhere among
his belongings a suggestion of any souvenir of the past, anything
sentimental or charged with memory. A daguerreotype of Hallie Flower, in
an embossed black case lined with red plush, he ground into a shapeless
fragment. Afterward he was shocked by what he had done and was forced to
seek the support of a chair. He clenched his jaw, gazed with stony eyes
against the formless dread about him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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