You must know that twice in my life I have more than _felt_ these
presences; I have seen them. This may be because I am on both sides a
Highland Celt, and my mother had the same uncanny gift. I had never
spoken of these appearances to Donald because he would have put it all
down to what he calls my hysterical fancy. And I am sure that if he ever
felt or saw anything himself he would never own it.
I ought to explain that each time the vision was premonitory of a death
(in Cicely’s case I had no such warning), and each time it only lasted
for a second; also that, though I am certain I was wide awake each time,
it is open to anybody to say I was asleep and dreamed it. The queer
thing was that I was neither frightened nor surprised.
And so I was neither surprised nor frightened now, the first evening
that I saw her.
It was in the early autumn twilight, about six o’clock. I was sitting in
my place in front of the fireplace; Donald was in his arm-chair on my
left, smoking a pipe, as usual, before the lamplight drove him out of
doors into the dark.
I had had so strong a sense of Cicely’s being there in the room that I
felt nothing but a sudden sacred pang that was half joy when I looked up
and saw her sitting in her chair on my right.
The phantasm was perfect and vivid, as if it had been flesh and blood. I
should have thought that it was Cicely herself if I hadn’t known that
she was dead. She wasn’t looking at me; her face was turned to Donald
with that longing, wondering look it used to have, searching his face
for the secret that he kept from her.
[Illustration: ... her face was turned to Donald ...]
I looked at Donald. His chin was sunk a little, the pipe drooping from
the corner of his mouth. He was heavy, absorbed in his smoking. It was
clear that he did not see what I saw.
And whereas those other phantasms that I told you about disappeared at
once, _this_ lasted some little time, and always with its eyes fixed on
Donald. It even lasted while Donald stirred, while he stooped forward,
knocking the ashes out of his pipe against the hob, while he sighed,
stretched himself, turned, and left the room. Then, as the door shut
behind him, the whole figure went out suddenly—not flickering, but like
a light you switch off.
I saw it again the next evening and the next, at the same time and in
the same place, and with the same look turned towards Donald. And again
I was sure that he did not see it. But I thought, from his uneasy
sighing and stretching, that he had some sense of something there.
No; I was not frightened. I was glad. You see, I loved Cicely. I
remember thinking, “At last, at last, you poor darling, you’ve got in.
And you can stay as long as you like now. He can’t turn you away.”
The first few times I saw her just as I have said. I would look up and
find the phantasm there, sitting in her chair. And it would disappear
suddenly when Donald left the room. Then I knew I was alone.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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