But as I grew used to its presence, or perhaps as it grew used to mine
and found out that I was not afraid of it, that indeed I loved to have
it there, it came, I think, to trust me, so that I was made aware of all
its movements. I would see it coming across the room from the doorway,
making straight for its desired place, and settling in a little
curled-up posture of satisfaction, appeased, as if it had expected
opposition that it no longer found. Yet that it was not happy, I could
still see by its look at Donald. _That_ never changed. It was as
uncertain of him now as she had been in her lifetime.
Up till now, the sixth or seventh time I had seen it, I had no clue to
the secret of its appearance; and its movements seemed to me mysterious
and without purpose. Only two things were clear: it was Donald that it
came for—the instant he went it disappeared; and I never once saw it
when I was alone. And always it chose this room and this hour before the
lights came, when he sat doing nothing. It was clear also that he never
saw it.
But that it was there with him sometimes when I was not I knew; for,
more than once, things on Donald’s writing-table, books or papers, would
be moved out of their places, though never beyond reach; and he would
ask me whether I had touched them.
“Either you lie,” he would say, “or I’m mistaken. I could have sworn I
put those notes on the left-hand side; and they aren’t there now.”
And once—that was wonderful—I saw, yes, I _saw_ her come and push the
lost thing under his hand. And all he said was, “Well, I’m—I could have
sworn—”
For whether it had gained a sense of security, or whether its purpose
was now finally fixed, it began to move regularly about the room, and
its movements had evidently a reason and an aim.
It was looking for something.
One evening we were all there in our places, Donald silent in his chair
and I in mine, and it seated in its attitude of wonder and of waiting,
when suddenly I saw Donald looking at me.
“Helen,” he said, “what are you staring for like that?”
I started. I had forgotten that the direction of my eyes would be bound,
sooner or later, to betray me.
I heard myself stammer, “W—w—was I staring?”
“Yes. I wish you wouldn’t.”
I knew what he meant. He didn’t want me to keep on looking at that
chair; he didn’t want to know that I was thinking of her. I bent my head
closer over my sewing, so that I no longer had the phantasm in sight.
It was then I was aware that it had risen and was crossing the
hearthrug. It stopped at Donald’s knees, and stood there, gazing at him
with a look so intent and fixed that I could not doubt that this had
some significance. I saw it put out its hand and touch him; and, though
Donald sighed and shifted his position, I could tell that he had neither
seen nor felt anything.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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