American essays -- 20th century; State, The; World War, 1914-1918
He is one of those young men who, because his parents happened to mate
during a certain ten years of the world’s history, has had now to put
his name on a wheel of fate, thereby submitting himself to be drawn
into a brief sharp course of military training before being shipped
across the sea to kill Germans or be killed by them. He does not like
this fate that menaces him, and he dislikes it because he seems to find
nothing in the programme marked out for him which touches remotely
his aspirations, his impulses, or even his desires. My friend is not
a happy young man, but even the unsatisfactory life he is living
seems supplemented at no single point by the life of the drill-ground
or the camp or the stinking trench. He visualizes the obscenity of
the battlefield and turns away in nausea. He thinks of the weary
regimentation of young men, and is filled with disgust. His mind has
turned sour on war and all that it involves. He is poor material for
the military proclamation and the drill-sergeant.
I want to understand this friend of mine, for he seems rather typical
of a scattered race of young Americans of to-day. He does not fall
easily into the categories of patriot and coward which the papers
are making popular. He feels neither patriotism nor fear, only an
apathy toward the war, faintly warmed into a smoldering resentment
at the men who have clamped down the war-pattern upon him and that
vague mass of people and ideas and workaday living around him that he
thinks of as his country. Now that resentment has knotted itself into
a tortured tangle of what he should do, how he can best be true to
his creative self? I should say that his apathy cannot be imputed to
cowardly ease. My friend earns about fifteen hundred dollars a year as
an architect’s assistant, and he lives alone in a little room over a
fruitshop. He worked his way through college, and he has never known
even a leisurely month. There is nothing Phæacian about his life. It
is scarcely to save his skin for riotous living that he is reluctant
about war. Since he left college he has been trying to find his world.
He is often seriously depressed and irritated with himself for not
having hewed out a more glorious career for himself. His work is
just interesting enough to save it from drudgery, and yet not nearly
independent and exacting enough to give him a confident professional
sense. Outside his work, life is deprived and limited rather than
luxurious. He is fond of music and goes to cheap concerts. He likes
radical meetings, but never could get in touch with the agitators. His
friends are seeking souls just like himself. He likes midnight talks
in cafés and studios, but he is not especially amenable to drink. His
heart of course is hungry and turbid, but his two or three love-affairs
have not clarified anything for him. He eats three rather poor
restaurant meals a day. When he reads, it is philosophy--Nietzsche,
James, Bergson--or the novels about youth--Rolland, Nexö, Cannan,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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