He must have meant only a general expression of confidence, she was sure
of that; only to be kind and comforting. But to her, grappling with new
hard problems, that strange gaze came like a torch lit in a cave at
night. Much she had wondered how Vivian could possibly hold her
responsible for what her father did, or left undone. And now in a flash
it was all quite clear, and she saw that he had not been holding her
responsible at all. No, this simple and good man, who let the crows
bring his raiment, or not, as they preferred, had only reposed a trust
in her--in Cally Heth. It was as if, that day at the Settlement, he had
said to her, by his eyes: "I know _you_. Once _you_ go to the Works, you
won't rest till you've made things better...."
But instead of this making things better for Cally Heth now, it seemed
to make them worse at once. She became considerably agitated; knew that
he must see her agitation, and did not mind at all. And suddenly she sat
down on the sway-backed sofa between the windows....
"I'm the last woman in the world ever to think of getting out of my
groove," said Cally, her cheek upon her hand.
And then, with no premeditation at all, there came strange words from
her, words clothing with unlessoned ease thoughts that certainly she had
never formulated for Hugo Canning.
"And yet I feel that it might have been different. I've felt--lately--as
if I haven't had much of a chance.... I think I have a mind, or had
one ... some--some spirit and independence, too. But I wasn't trained to
express myself that way; that was all ironed down flat in me. I never
had any education, except what was superficial--showy. I was never
taught to think, or to _do_ anything--or to have any part in serious
things. No one ever told me that I ought to justify my existence, to pay
my way. Nobody ever thought of me as fit to have any share in anything
useful or important--fit for any responsibility.... No, life for me was
to be like butterflies flying, and my part was only to make myself as
ornamental as I could...."
V. Vivian, who wrote articles about the Huns in newspapers, stood at the
Cooney mantel. He did not move at all; the man's gaze upon her
half-averted face did not wink once. His own face, this girl had
thought, was one for strange expressions; but she might have thought the
look it wore now stranger than any she had ever seen there....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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