American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American
“They didn’t see it. It was a perfectly impersonal clutch they were
strangling me with. They hadn’t any notion of their own dismaying breach
of reticence. We were all in Soerabaya--which was hell--together; and
conventions didn’t exist. Also, I couldn’t any more get out of it than
if we had been more literally in Hell and they ineluctable and
imperishable shades. I had to go on.
“‘She won’t go,’ I said at last to Dorrien. ‘And you absolutely can’t go
alone?’
“He didn’t speak, but he turned his eyes on me again. I seemed to read
in them that the question had been put to him before, and that he would
not again go through the agony of answering. Not that the answer in
those silent eyes wasn’t clear. Then, after a little, he did speak. ‘Ask
her if she counsels me to go alone.’
“My very spirit revolted at the way they had laid hands on me. Anything
I said was bound to be damnable for one or the other of them. I swore
I’d get out of the thing non-partisan if I insulted them both.
“‘I won’t ask her,’ I said. ‘I won’t have anything more to do with it.
It’s a devilish mess, and one of you has to go under. But I won’t lift a
finger to determine which one. You may take that from me straight, both
of you.’
“We ought by rights to have been tearing about that porch dramatically;
but we all sat perfectly still in sheer exhaustion, dripping with sweat
and breathing in quiet, regular pants. I wish--I wish it had never been.
“‘You won’t even tell him that he can’t go at all? Such a simple thing
as that?’ She flung out her hands in a queer, uncertain way. She was
very far gone.
“‘I won’t tell him anything. Good night.’ I pulled myself out of my
chair and leaned over the railing. I don’t know how long I looked down
into the hot little garden. I didn’t mean to be a beast. Were you ever
in a place where you couldn’t stir a muscle without committing murder?
No, I suppose not. Well, that’s what I felt like. It seemed inevitable
that pretty soon they’d trap me into saying something that sounded like
advice; and it looked to me as if any advice, once followed, would be
fatal. There wasn’t any right way out, they being what they were. It was
up to whatever Power had made them. It was absolutely _not_ up to me. I
began counting lizards on the railing. Every bone in my body ached with
stiffness when I finally turned round. They had gone.”
Hoyting lighted a cigarette. He had finished it, and lighted another,
before he spoke again.
“The next morning I got off on a filthy little tramp steamer at four
o’clock. It wasn’t a steamer the Dorriens could possibly take. I don’t
think they would even have known about it. Then I made straight for
China; I was pretty sure neither one of them would think of China. And
by that time I had got back nerve enough to be quite sure that I had
done right in keeping my hands off. But--I never asked any one what
became of them. Now you say you know.”
“Oh, yes, I know. Dorrien’s dead.”
“They went back?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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