Yes, he understood it all. He understood it when, scarcely out of Lady
Tal's presence, he caught himself, in the garden, looking up at her
windows, half expecting to see her, to hear some rather rough joke
thrown at him as a greeting, just to show she was sorry---- He
understood it still better, when, every time the waiter knocked in the
course of the day, he experienced a faint expectation that it might be a
note from Lady Tal, a line to say: "I was as cross as two sticks, this
morning, wasn't I?" or merely: "don't forget to come to-morrow."
He understood. He and the novel, both chucked aside impatiently by
this selfish, capricious, imperious young aristocrat: the two things
identified, and both now rejected as unworthy of taking up more of her
august attention! Marion felt the insult to the novel--her novel--almost
more than to himself. After all, how could Lady Tal see the difference
between him and the various mashers of her acquaintance, perceive that
he was the salt of the earth? She had not wherewithal to perceive it.
But that she should not perceive the dignity of her own work, how
infinitely finer that novel was than herself, how it represented all
her own best possibilities; that she should be ungrateful for the
sensitiveness with which he had discovered its merit, _her_ merits, in
the midst of that confusion of illiterate fashionable rubbish----
And when that evening, having his coffee at St. Mark's, he saw Lady
Tal's stately figure, her white dress, amongst the promenaders in the
moonlight, a rabble of young men and women at her heels, it struck him
suddenly that something was over. He thought that, if Lady Tal came to
London next spring, he would not call upon her unless sent for; and he
was sure she would not send for him, for as to _Christina_, _Christina_
would never get as far as the proof-sheets; and unless _Christina_
re-appeared on the surface, he also would remain at the bottom.
Marion got up from his table, and leaving the brightly illuminated
square and the crowd of summer-like promenaders, he went out on to the
Riva, and walked slowly towards the arsenal. The contrast was striking.
Out here it looked already like winter. There were no chairs in front of
the cafes, there were scarcely any gondola-lights at the mooring places.
The passers-by went along quickly, the end of their cloak over their
shoulder. And from the water, which swished against the marble landings,
came a rough, rainy wind. It was dark, and there were unseen puddles
along the pavement.
This was the result of abandoning, for however little, one's principles.
He had broken through his convictions by accepting to read a young
lady's MS. novel. It did not seem a very serious mistake. But through
that chink, what disorderly powers had now entered his well-arranged
existence!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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