“When I was about fourteen my mother had a charming chamber-maid,
young, attractive, with a figure just budding into womanhood. I was
sitting one day studying my Tacitus and growing enthusiastic over the
virtues of the ancient Teutons, while she was sweeping my room.
Suddenly she stopped, bent down over me, in the meantime holding fast
to the broom, and a pair of fresh, full, adorable lips touched mine.
The kiss of the enamoured little cat ran through me like a shudder, but
I raised up my _Germania_, like a shield against the temptress, and
indignantly left the room.”
Wanda broke out in loud laughter. “It would, indeed, be hard to find
another man like you, but continue.”
“There is another unforgetable incident belonging to that period,” I
continued my story. “Countess Sobol, a distant aunt of mine, was
visiting my parents. She was a beautiful majestic woman with an
attractive smile. I, however, hated her, for she was regarded by the
family as a sort of Messalina. My behavior toward her was as rude,
malicious, and awkward as possible.
“One day my parents drove to the capital of the district. My aunt
determined to take advantage of their absence, and to exercise judgment
over me. She entered unexpectedly in her fur-lined _kazabaika,_2
followed by the cook, kitchen-maid, and the cat of a chamber-maid whom
I had scorned. Without asking any questions, they seized me and bound
me hand and foot, in spite of my violent resistance. Then my aunt, with
an evil smile, rolled up her sleeve and began to whip me with a stout
switch. She whipped so hard that the blood flowed, and that, at last,
notwithstanding my heroic spirit, I cried and wept and begged for
mercy. She then had me untied, but I had to get down on my knees and
thank her for the punishment and kiss her hand.
[Footnote 2: A woman’s jacket.]
“Now you understand the supersensual fool! Under the lash of a
beautiful woman my senses first realized the meaning of woman. In her
fur-jacket she seemed to me like a wrathful queen, and from then on my
aunt became the most desirable woman on God’s earth.
“My Cato-like austerity, my shyness before woman, was nothing but an
excessive feeling for beauty. In my imagination sensuality became a
sort of cult. I took an oath to myself that I would not squander its
holy wealth upon any ordinary person, but I would reserve it for an
ideal woman, if possible for the goddess of love herself.
“I went to the university at a very early age. It was in the capital
where my aunt lived. My room looked at that time like Doctor Faustus’s.
Everything in it was in a wild confusion. There were huge closets
stuffed full of books, which I bought for a song from a Jewish dealer
on the Servanica;3 there were globes, atlases, flasks, charts of the
heavens, skeletons of animals, skulls, the busts of eminent men. It
looked as though Mephistopheles might have stepped out from behind the
huge green store as a wandering scholiast at any moment.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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